• JDFGLFSDKS i thought i recognized that instantly but i had to make sure but---

    oh my god the choice of this specific image because 1. dirk 2. the artist is my metamour

    i'm dying,

    (also yes that's true - and holding a button on phone doesn't really work so the whole One Letter thing, but yes speed of sending and stuff. mm probably i just have to brief new people on the whole how-i-work)

  • ...new comment: thoughts on nonverbal communication -in text-?

    -does the long-distance relationship dance-

    god i get really nonverbal and lapse into strings of letters that aren't especially clear, and yknow there aren't really other signals because, text.

    things i've tried include, if i hit a number, that's a bad sign and a yellow basically, and also good ol' <3 and then variations thereupon, and emoji sometimes work?

  • i think it's a shit approach tbfh. it's not effective, it's easy to be felt as condescending even at its most careful, and it's making judgments about other people's capacities and it all smacks of SSC and kink hierarchy.

    it's possible to raise risk awareness and enable RACK without framing things as Not For First-Timers and waxing on ad nauseum about how foolish and emotionally dangerous it is to jump into without yourrrrr guidance. (mmmm i know the post you're referring to and i'm bitter.)

    harm reduction needs to be accessible and non-judgmental and recognizing that people are into and seeking what they are, whether or not you think they're adequately prepared (so! prepare them! instead! of! moralizing!)

    no. exceptions.

    yes, provide tips on thinking through (and testing) commitment to a d/s relationship; yes, train people in safe bloodplay, needleplay, fireplay, suspension, bondage, flogging, all the stuff that requires techniques and skill development; yes, teach about aftercare, about signs of drop, about navigating all that stuff; yes, teach about recognizing red flags.

    but even 24/7 total power exchange master/slave with a fucking contract, shouldn't be put on some kind of "advanced level" imo, that just makes it all the harder to help folks do it safely.

  • mmm, my hard limits are photography/video, slurs, dirty talk*, and bringing in anything that wasn't explicitly named as to be included for this particular scene, don't care if we've talked about it before or you know i'm into it. that last is a new one but haHA, important.

    *this is a lil more complicated? but stuff around "dirty/naughty/bad" and around promiscuity, are generally Nope No Noooo -- whereas, neutral-positive things like "oh wow, you're really into that, huh?" (not even necessarily praise kink!) is generally Yes, but then again that's not exactly what i think "dirty talk" brings to mind.

    soft limits i guess would be nudity, gendering. and by soft i mean like, yeah, assume Nah unless otherwise negotiated on a per instance basis.

  • mmm, interestingly i've now met someone who has a hard time safewording because their ex used it to shut down anything they didn't like - so now it feels to them as if safewording Could Be Abusive and must be reserved for things that are Deeply Serious.

    i found that really interesting (and sad and upsetting). and just, evidence that yeah, safewords can be misused, like anything.

    i'm very much considering suggesting safeword games to them, although heh, perhaps not naming it as safewords specifically.

  • i really appreciate this description and it sheds a lot of light on why i found rolequeer stuff extremely difficult to engage with, mmmm.