As a fellow poly nb bi/pan ace-spec disabled person:
(a) Hello :)
(b) Any advice on the activism and/or dating fronts? I find both very difficult, and the latter is especially hard when most poly people consider non-sexual polyamory a contradiction in terms :(
Ugh I hear ya. On the dating front I just never frame anything as dating. I have loving friendships that fulfill my poly panro instincts and I just live with the fact that not everyone involved sees the relationships as romantic. Basically, I'm currently content with being the weirdly intimate platonic friend. The line between platonic intimacy and romance is very subjective, and I use that fact to my advantage. Dunno if that would work for you :)
On the activism front, I can't do much "in the streets" bc (a) my boss would find out and fire me and (b) i rarely have the spoons for it. So my activism takes the form of (a) surviving and claiming space for myself and (b) sharing my experiences with others and (c) amplifying the voices of other oppressed people and always always (d) learning and working through my own privilege.
I really like that you chose the word 'surviving' and framing it as you did. There are so many cultural pressures to be 'understandable' it is easy to fall into that trap. Surviving in many respects can be a real challenge but I think most important is always being true to one's self and going from there.
My disability is a combination of chronic pain, joint issues, skin issues, digestive issues, hormone issues, chronic exhaustion, and a few severe mental illnesses. No, none of it is visible. Except the frequency i wear joint bandages and ice packs.
Now for a question: as an asexual person, have you found poly dating/intimacy to be easier or more difficult than mono dating/imtimacy? What's the major difference?
I recently drafted my first poly romance novel. That particular one doesn't feature any ace characters, but I want to make sure to be more inclusive in some future titles (I have plans to slowly write a set of standalones). What are some ace-related tropes you love, or hate?
Ultimately, I think it comes down to writing believable, fleshed-out characters. I like characters who can keep my interest, and a believable fleshed-out character is better at doing so. Their sexual orientation doesn't really come into it for me.
Plus, on reflection the ace-tropes I hate are more accurately lazy writing: I don't mind asexual characters who are cold and emotionless/prize logic above all else or whatever, but their reason shouldn't be "can't feel sexual attraction therefore can't feel anything at all".
That's pretty much it, aside from "growing a sex drive because their love interest banged them", but I'm sure you know better than to write something like that :P
One of the draws to poly for me is that it makes it easy for whoever I'm with to have a sexual partner as well, taking pressure off of me. But the main reason I'm poly is bc it's what comes naturally to me. The exclusivity and jealousy and 'this one relationship is special and unique in a way that precludes all other special and unique relationships" that usually comes with monogamy has never been remotely relatable for me. It's just not how my mind works.
As a fellow poly nb bi/pan ace-spec disabled person: (a) Hello :) (b) Any advice on the activism and/or dating fronts? I find both very difficult, and the latter is especially hard when most poly people consider non-sexual polyamory a contradiction in terms :(
Ugh I hear ya. On the dating front I just never frame anything as dating. I have loving friendships that fulfill my poly panro instincts and I just live with the fact that not everyone involved sees the relationships as romantic. Basically, I'm currently content with being the weirdly intimate platonic friend. The line between platonic intimacy and romance is very subjective, and I use that fact to my advantage. Dunno if that would work for you :)
On the activism front, I can't do much "in the streets" bc (a) my boss would find out and fire me and (b) i rarely have the spoons for it. So my activism takes the form of (a) surviving and claiming space for myself and (b) sharing my experiences with others and (c) amplifying the voices of other oppressed people and always always (d) learning and working through my own privilege.
I really like that you chose the word 'surviving' and framing it as you did. There are so many cultural pressures to be 'understandable' it is easy to fall into that trap. Surviving in many respects can be a real challenge but I think most important is always being true to one's self and going from there.
What’s your disability? Is it visible?
My disability is a combination of chronic pain, joint issues, skin issues, digestive issues, hormone issues, chronic exhaustion, and a few severe mental illnesses. No, none of it is visible. Except the frequency i wear joint bandages and ice packs.
Hi! First of all: yay fellow poly person! waves
Now for a question: as an asexual person, have you found poly dating/intimacy to be easier or more difficult than mono dating/imtimacy? What's the major difference?
I recently drafted my first poly romance novel. That particular one doesn't feature any ace characters, but I want to make sure to be more inclusive in some future titles (I have plans to slowly write a set of standalones). What are some ace-related tropes you love, or hate?
Another ace here, just my two cents.
Ultimately, I think it comes down to writing believable, fleshed-out characters. I like characters who can keep my interest, and a believable fleshed-out character is better at doing so. Their sexual orientation doesn't really come into it for me.
Plus, on reflection the ace-tropes I hate are more accurately lazy writing: I don't mind asexual characters who are cold and emotionless/prize logic above all else or whatever, but their reason shouldn't be "can't feel sexual attraction therefore can't feel anything at all".
That's pretty much it, aside from "growing a sex drive because their love interest banged them", but I'm sure you know better than to write something like that :P
Goodness. Yeah, those tropes do sound mostly like lazy writing! Thanks for the input!
One of the draws to poly for me is that it makes it easy for whoever I'm with to have a sexual partner as well, taking pressure off of me. But the main reason I'm poly is bc it's what comes naturally to me. The exclusivity and jealousy and 'this one relationship is special and unique in a way that precludes all other special and unique relationships" that usually comes with monogamy has never been remotely relatable for me. It's just not how my mind works.
I can relate to that! Thanks for answering the question :)