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Anonymous Asks

Anonymous Asks

Come ask questions and give answers anonymously!

9354 members
Posted byAnonScabEstebanin/anonymous_asks-Mar 31 at 1:19 PM

Are divorces so common these days that it doesn't affect kids involved? Better yet is staying married for the kids the smart thing to do?

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Comments13
  • AnonNounsSamanthaMar 31 at 1:38 PM

    I agree, it depends on the dynamic of the family as a whole. Some couples "fall out of love" and continue existing as a couple without the romance, and being supportive of each other, and their family. Others, can not, and being together is far worse than separation.

    The children have a massive impact too. Some kids are very aware of the situation and "hiding" the separation by staying together would only cause more trauma, or resentment.

    • AnonScabEstebanMar 31 at 1:42 PM

      Ok, I agree with what you said about the "fall out of love" but continue to stay together for the kids. That is the way that I was kinda taught growing up. I guess after a few years of no "romance" that it does get tough. But there is nothing I wouldn't do or sacrifice for kids. Just good to hear that the feeling and thoughts i have are secluded only to me.

      • AnonNounsSamanthaMar 31 at 1:46 PM

        When I was in my 20's I was in an established relationship with a guy who had married, had a child, and divorced before the child was a year old. The child never "knew" his parents together, and was completely ok with his dad dating, and my presence. Although my (now ex) and his ex-wife were not best friends, I think for them, divorcing when the child was young probably saved their friendship. Meanwhile, parents of other kids in his class were in the process of years-in-the-making divorces, and those were royal messes.

      • AnonScabEstebanMar 31 at 1:51 PM

        The 'royal mess' is my fear and honestly what keeps me where I am. Seeing how happy the little one is with both parents around. I guess it's just a matter of sticking it out until they are adults and have a better understanding of relationships to think about splitting.

      • AnonNounsSamanthaMar 31 at 2:11 PM

        It's a sticky situation for sure, and there is not a "one size fits all" solution unfortunately.

  • AnonFactoriesMarisolMar 31 at 1:25 PM

    It depends. You have to weigh both outcomes. Separation may be hard on the kids but so is domestic violence (verbal or physical). Can you stay together and, at the same time, provide a positive environment for the kids? If not then maybe it's better to separate.

    • AnonScabEstebanMar 31 at 1:28 PM

      Yes, the environment is very positive for the kids. No type of domestic violence or any violence for that matter involved at all. More or less the happiness of the parents as far as not wanting to be in that type of 'relationship' with each other.

  • AnonTearsQuincyApr 01 at 11:02 AM

    I think that if you want to break up with your spouse, you can. It sounds like you could work together well to raise and care for the kids. A parental divorce is something that can change a kid's life, but so can seeing their parents unhappy. The way we grow up always shapes us. You have the chance to show them honesty.

  • AnonMedalDejaApr 01 at 9:29 AM

    I think it might be less likely to affect kids in that they're not the only ones whose parents are divorced.

    Obviously, it'll vary from situation to situation. I think parents also have to look out for what is fulfilling for them. But in doing so, they need to quash any exhibits of bad blood in front of the kids, to work together in that one aspect.

    Also, setting up visits to a counselor. The kids (and the adults!) are facing a new situation, having an impartial party to talk to could be super helpful. Counselors are also great for coping skills, should the kids need them. A proactive approach if the parents to decide to divorce. Or even before making the decision to split, a therapist/couples counselor for the parents might help clarify some things so they can make a decision.

  • AnonOffsetBlakeApr 03 at 1:49 PM

    Product of divorced parent here. I say yes and no. Children basically need a caregiver in a safe environment. Children who don't have parents may grow up just find if they can find attentive caregiver like having adopted parents, a loving aunt or grandma, etc. especially in their crucial years (early childhood).

    There is no need to stay in the marriage if you're not sure you can give that basic need to your children. It's traumatizing and affecting their perception of what healthy relationship is, which might give them troubles when they want to build healthy relationship when they grow up. I know I have that problems, took me years to go through a lot of self-healing process.

    Even if you don't fight with your spouse in front of your children, do not underestimate children's abilities to read the atmosphere between you too. This can also make your children become over sensitive in the future.

    Point is, if you really care about your children, divorced or not, all the children need is to have consistency in getting enough affection and attention in a safe environment.

  • AnonCrackVladimirMar 31 at 3:42 PM

    It depends on how much TV / Mass Media you subject your kids too. And yes, probably.

  • AnonSkillRobertMar 31 at 6:32 PM

    Well, I would say yes, absolutely it's common enough that it's not going to be the stigma it was years ago - but you can check for yourself here what the statistics are for whatever country you're in. Personally - in Canada - I would say that our business comes at least as equally from mixed families as from - I don't even know what you call it, but y'know, non-mixed. I don't think it's necessarily the divorce that's going to be the problem here either way, it's how you two handle it. Are you able to be mature, are you able to put your child's needs ahead of any pettiness you may feel. The way you talk, I think you'd be just fine separating. It's "different", but children are going to run into all kinds of "differents" in this world, and an amicable divorce still leaves them with two parents to love and care for them, and also leaves you two free to pursue your own happiness in another relationship instead of locking yourself down in a loveless limbo for years "just in case" it's better for your kid.

  • AnonPeaksCaryApr 02 at 3:27 PM

    Honestly children are VERY hurt by parents splitting up. Especially when they are in their teen years. When you're a child you don't take it as seriously and don't think of all the consencuences but as a teen, it's bad.

Anonymous Asks

Anonymous Asks

Come ask questions and give answers anonymously!

9354 members
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