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Have you/Would you give up porn?
Have you or would you give up porn if your partner requested it and explained that it's sexist, and that the industry is terrible at protecting their actors from stds and rape? Elaborate please.




Yes, mostly because my partner requested it and it's not such a huge deal in my life that I would lose sleep without it.
That's really reassuring to hear
So you were fishing for validation?
No. I need no validation for relationship boundaries. It's nice to hear that porn isn't important for some people. The impression I have is that it's a huge part of our culture now and most people are very attached to it, sometimes to the point of sexual dysfunction.
I think this question is especially complicated by the fact that there are so many types of pornography. (Pornhub's subcategories attest to this.) It's like asking have you/would you give up horror movies? Not all horror movies are the same. I think large doses of violent pornography are harmful, and I think the porn industry is filled with a lot of exploitation. And I think sometimes people forget that pornography is FANTASY. 99% of the time, it's NOT a good representation of actual sex.
I think I would listen to my partner's desire and needs, and have a discussion about WHY pornography might be harming the relationship and how those issues can be addressed. The truth is, you can live without porn, if you really want to, at the request of a partner or your own volition. But you can also look into different kinds of pornography--erotic literature isn't harmful to actors because there aren't any.
I really like this comment. It's very helpful and I will take your advice.
I don't watch a ton of porn to begin with (like maybe a few nights in a row every two or three months). When I do, it's largely amateur stuff. Like, made by people in their bedrooms, not amateur-style studio stuff. If my partner asked me to stop watching that, I wouldn't miss the porn, but I would want to have a conversation about why they wanted to me stop watching porn. I'd want to make sure they understood that my wanting to masturbate or fantasize without them wasn't a threat to our relationship, and really understand why it made them uncomfortable.
Yes!!! Thank you this is really helpful
there are a lot of myths from terf corners about the porn industry (although there's truths, too, but the terfs aren't exactly in love with sex workers), but at the same time, porn just sucks. like i don't get it. the camera angles suck, nobody acts remotely like real people, none of it seems remotely like real sex and it's not even mildly arousing, and i've always felt that most of the Big Boob Sex Girl stuff you see in it is actually a massive turn off. it's no coincedence that if i meet a boy and he's like "oh yeah i really like porn lol" that he always sucks
omg! XD
No.
I mean, if she managed to convince me that that it is indeed wrong, then yes, obviously, but I can't see that happening at all.
I could, maybe. I don't use it that much as is. Although I'd rather use it less than give it up entirely.
I think it depends firstly on how frequently the couple is having sex. If they are having it frequently enough the person in question shouldn't need porn at all, however there's always going to be dry patches due to fighting or external stressors.
Another factor is the significance others past and what they're doing. If the person is working to try to protect people in the porn industry from these problems I imagine that the person in question should be much more open to the idea of giving it up, or at least slowing down on it. Additionally if the significant other has a history of sexual assault or rape or has worked in the porn industry previously and didn't find their conditions satisfactory, that may also be a reason for the person in question to consider slowing it down a bit.
Additionally, I think one middle ground solution would be for the significant other to try to either take some sexual photos or videos for the person in question, or possibly find specific videos, genres, or sites, that they would both feel comfortable with the person in question using.
I personally see porn as inherently dehumanizing and objectifying. I believe people can ethically make it, though that's not the majority of the pornographic content, but that the consumption is always problematic. I don't have any objection to masturbation but with consuming another person's body preserved in an image that way.
Personal pictures or genres does not make it better.
I would like to have a relationship boundary where any future partner may choose to give it up or move on but I'm still mulling it over.
The porn debate is a tough one, and not one where I think there is really an ideologically "pure" answer for me (or for most people) and I'm fairly okay with that.
It's a super complicated topic. Is porn inherently sexist? Does it matter if it is inherent or not, if it ends up being so the vast majority of the time? Can you seek out "ethical" porn? Is there actually such a thing as legitimately "ethical" porn in our society? Assuming we're talking about mainstream porn, is it usually exploitative or at least something that is damaging in some way, either to individuals or more largely?
I think everyone (and every feminist) will have a different answer to these questions. I've found many of the answers really useful to incorporate into my worldview, but not necessarily useful as dogma.
So I guess my main question is, does this come down to a philosophical question for you, or a relationship question? Personally, I think I would have a difficult time giving up a specific "vice" (I'm intentionally putting that in scarequotes) strictly because a significant other requested I do so. But it depends on your situation, and on your relationship, and how strongly you feel about these things.
I personally see porn as inherently dehumanizing and objectifying. I believe people can ethically make it, though that's not the majority of the pornographic content, but that the consumption is always problematic. I don't have any objection to masturbation but with consuming another person's body preserved in an image that way.
I would like to have a relationship boundary where any future partner may choose to give it up or move on but I'm still mulling it over.
Ah okay.
Would this include if like, someone was sending explicit (self) photos to a significant other when away from each other for an extended period of time?
Yeah, I just wouldn't feel comfortable with it personally. It's fine for them to think of me but I feel that a photo strips away intimacy and all that's left is a still image of body parts. I don't want to be a bunch of body parts that can be used at anytime and I don't want my partner to just use other body parts for that. Especially when porn consumption has become a menu of what you want to eat that day.
See I watched porn and so did my ex. After awhile he got into more extreme porn and then started fucking up on consent badly. I don't want to date someone who's constantly watching women be treated like dirt (mainstream porn) or just consume bodies when ever they want. It's terrifying to me because it's linked in with sexism and sexual abuse I've experienced but I don't know if a lot of people would ever consider cutting it out.
I want to know what people think of all this.
I have a different POV from most people posting here, so I thought I would share..... I am older then most members here, quite old for a nerd in fact. I remember punch card programming.... I am in a loving and happy marriage, no chance of ever leaving it, but my better half has health issues that prevent sexual activity. I use porn for most of my sexual needs, but as at least one other person stated in this thread, I prefer amature porn, like 2 people made in there bedroom and uploaded style. I like laughing silly happy real people porn, and that is hard to find. Just my 2 cents worth.....