Come ask questions and give answers anonymously!
Is it true that you can find a partner that just "gets" you? Or is that a myth perpetuated by romance novels?
I really want someone who kinda gets me. I don't have to go through a huge dissertation to explain my behavior, they don't feel like they have to laugh at me when I'm being weird, which is me being myself pretty much. They notice what makes me happy without me having to spell it out for them.
Does this exist?




This does exist. I am a very insular person and find it extremely hard to function in groups of people. I'm known as the quiet type, even among some of my oldest friends. When I'm with my partner however, I can totally be myself and she can with me. When I am with her my personality does the equivalent of getting home from work and changing into its most comfortable t-shirt and shorts and feeling totally at ease. We have our own idiolect and can make each other understood with the tiniest of phrases or body language. We can be stupid as hell or totally outrageous without fear of judgement.
It's not instant (in my experience anyway) but is absolutely possible I promise.
Whew! That's good to know. This is especially promising:
With my ex, I always hated being like, "Sigh There was no reason for that, I just felt like dancing. I don't actually have an explanation for it......nevermind. 😧"
You give me hope. 😅
I love spontaneous dancing! You'll find someone, I'm certain. Before you know it you'll be dancing like a loon while your partner either smiles knowingly and shakes their head or joins in and hits the kitchen dance floor with you!
I think that's the case! My partner now seems to know when I'm having a bad day before I even realize that I'm in a bad mood. I feel like you need to be very clear and open with your feelings in the beginning first, though, before they can start to pick up the little signs of what you're thinking. It takes usually about six months before you really get to know those details, though.
I always feel like that's where I go wrong, though. I say "I don't like when you do that." Or "it makes me feel like x when you say this."
It feel like when I do that I start to wear away at my relationship. I feel like that makes my partner feel like I'm impossible to please. And they kind of stop saying and doing anything. And then it's over. So I usually wind up saying nothing.
In other words, I kind of wish they just "get me" without me having to wear away at our relationship? Does that make sense?
Everything in moderation, I say. And if you begin to understand your partner and making them feel special, they hopefully try to do the same for you. That's all I can say, really.
I really hope someone like that exists because I'm looking for that as well. :)
Right? Like I know I was like that with my ex. I paid attention to what really made his day. I smiled at him when he was being crazy and weird, but he wasn't like that with me. And it bugged me. I wondered if I had unrealistic expectations of what my relationship should be like.
no, you deserve someone who treats you like you're a treasure :)
I mean, you can likely find someone who it compatible with you by chance in that way. But it'd be healthier to find someone you feel comfortable actually communicating with rather than someone who you don't need to talk to. Half the time I've had friends who I think just "get" me they're fronting and pretending to... because they want to fit into this mythical category...
I completely understand my partner. I may not like it, but I get it
If they don't exist then why keep living?
Hm. Well I imagine that for me, my reason for living never has been and never will be for another person. I don't justify my existence by how much people do or don't understand me.
However, I would appreciate if further comments were on topic and efforts to derail my post cease. If you'd like to make your own post, feel free and if you are feeling the urge to end your life please speak with professional emergency services in your area immediately.
I like how a simple opinion was turned into "derailing" a post and a suicide cry out. Humans are a social animal with the basic main goal to procreate the species. If finding someone is not at some point a priority (even casual) then we should not exist. Perhaps instead of asking online you should go out and meet people in the interests you enjoy.
Ok. Have a good day/life. Glad you're feeling ok. Maybe that subject can be tackled elsewhere. 😊
That person is here now... it is the combination of everyone you meet. Why expect one person to be your "everything"?
(and do you even understand yourself and your motivations and feelings at all times?)
I don't think you understand my question. There's definitely nothing there about expectation or being my "everything". Not even in my comments. Or any justification for suggesting that I might not "even" understand myself.
Why do you have this "want" then?
I'm not sure what you're getting at. And that's ok! I think my question was answered pretty thoroughly earlier anyway.
Have a good day!
Maybe you prefer the answer you want to the answer you need?
I see it very differently. More just that you're interpreting my question so that you can tell me what you want to talk about as opposed to what I'm actually asking?
I'm going to stop responding to you now. Hope everything goes well for you.
I think what you're describing is more of an attitude or pattern of observation-driven behavior. Anyone who believes that you have to be nice to each other to keep liking each other, and that you need to keep updating what you know about each other in order to be reasonably sure of continued success, should have a good chance of being that sort of partner.
Oh ok. Thank you. :)
You're welcome, I hope it was helpful.
I have a partner like this, and it is wonderful. I try to be the same kind of considerate and observant partner in return. We both check in with each other from time to time, asking things like "are you happy these days? Have I been causing you any distress without realizing? Do you need or would you like me to do anything differently?"
I think communication and cooperative dialogue is very important for keeping a relationship like this. My experience has been that it's harder to find someone who's good at this than someone who wants to learn.
It sounds like so much work! But I'm sure it's totally worth it.
I enjoy putting in the work, to be honest. I can be really annoyed or scared just as much as happy in the process of touching base, but it usually leaves me feeling sort of like when you leave a meeting room and maybe there's extra work to do or maybe you found out that what you were doing wasn't working - but now you've got feedback and consensus, and can feel more secure that you know what to do going forward, or have been doing well.