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Anonymous Asks

Anonymous Asks

Come ask questions and give answers anonymously!

9354 members
Posted byAnonMechanismTeriin/anonymous_asks-Jan 13 at 6:09 AM

Why is it so hard to make new friends in your 30s?

I feel so lonely. I don't feel like reconnecting with old friends. I don't like who I was. My career is unclear. Eveyrthing is just so unclear.

Comments9
  • AnonPackagesMontyJan 14 at 3:59 AM

    The older we get, the more our life bottlenecks. We become more and more isolated.

  • AnonStallLaurelJan 13 at 8:48 PM

    You change as you age. Make friends who mirror the good qualities in your life, they have a longer shelf life of your good qualities aren't crazy malevolent.

    Other than that. When ou find someone like that o what you did in elementary school. Ask them to hangout sometime.

    A lesson I learned after being exiled in a town of 800 people after 3 years.

  • AnonSparkRufusJan 13 at 3:55 PM

    I understand this. I'd like to have more friends. Well, I'd like to have friends. I only have acquaintances. Those I have a lot of, and that's not satisfying at all.

    I think once people have finished school, it's difficult to make friends and keep them too. Life gets busy, and you can't find time to nurture friendships. People also tend to encapsulate themselves once they're out of school and on their own. I don't see enough people make an effort to reach out in a truly meaningful way. Maybe they genuinely don't want to, or maybe they do want to but lack confidence.

    I also think that movies and t.v. have set up unrealistic expectations--often in movies and shows, everyone has a best friend in whom they can confide and spend time with whenever. As far as I'm concerned, that's not how real life is at all.

    • AnonBowlBennettJan 16 at 8:26 PM

      Sometimes you do find that friend you can tell anything to and share everything. But then sometimes that friend dies unexpectedly. And then it's even harder to find anyone else.

  • AnonSpeedsJorgeJan 13 at 8:50 AM

    Reconnecting with old friends may be worth it. Contrary to the conventional wisdom, people do sometimes change. You've changed, maybe they have too. Perhaps they changed the same way you did? Maybe they're more accepting and respectful of boundaries and you just need to introduce them to your friends.

    This reintroduction is necessary but often pushed aside. Worse, we worry about appearing the same. We become closet dwellers under pressure to live up to expectations. It's not always easy but honesty cures many ails.

    There's risk in [re]meeting old friends there's risk in meeting new friends. It can feel like you're damned if you do and damned if you don't. But you got to do something. In these situations I tend to spontaneously pick one and not second guess.

  • AnonTermBillieJan 13 at 8:27 AM

    I think at some point we all developed this impossible ideal of the perfect friendship, and get disappointed when the real thing doesn't live up to it. Sure friendships are messy. But don't you want a friend willing to be there for you when your life is the one that's messy? There will never be a human relationship without complications.

    I think it's great that you're changing your life by changing who you spend time with. Yeah, it can be lonely at first. That's why so many people fresh out of jail get right back into trouble--they go back to the same people/influences they used to spend time with.

    What social situations do you really care about? Are there opportunities to volunteer with organizations that help? Meeting other volunteers with a similar mindset is a great way to make new friends.

  • AnonRatingMeredithJan 13 at 7:45 AM

    Making friends in your thirties might be hard because most people in their thirties are either boring because they settled, or crazy because they refuse to do anything but party. A larger city might have a larger pool of people to chose from, but keep in mind the fact that that also means more people that you wouldn't want to spend time with.

  • AnonSheetPoppyJan 13 at 7:36 AM

    Sometimes I wonder if the increased feeling of loneliness when we get older is more of an absence of distraction. Like, we're always lonely, but when there's more stuff going on, we can ignore it more effectively.

    In any case, ironically, you're not alone.

  • AnonBumpVeraJan 13 at 6:29 AM

    For me, it was a change in priorities and the overwhelming pressures of daily life that left nearly no time for liesure. All my friends had scattered to the four directions and all my local friends were fair-weather type or ended up disappearing. Then as I entered my 40's my need for others started to drain away. There are a lot of reasons, like not making personal connections at my workplace that became important to me later on in life. Honestly I don't miss the expense and the trials of having to care for friends. I got used to being solitary and I suppose in a way made a kind of peace with the idea of being lonely. My family has no interest in my life, beyond my continuous heartbeat, so I pretty much have escaped to an online existence where everything is metered out and I can turn the world off with a button.

    Upon reflection I don't miss people and the endlessly messy tangle of their lives. Each time I think I might be ready to make a stab at making a new friend I find out something tragic or annoying about them and realize the value in keeping them at arms length. Like finding out how callous and heartless they are when the pretending of life doesn't apply.

Anonymous Asks

Anonymous Asks

Come ask questions and give answers anonymously!

9354 members
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