The Official Imzy for Studio Wildcard's Dinosaur Survival Games, ARK: Survival Evolved & ARK: Survival of the Fittest
The Folly of Cooldooku, an ark Troll
The following is a true story, the names have been changed in the interest of anonymity.
I was working on my house on a fine summer afternoon when a group of parcels began to fall at my feet. I looked at them. Raw meat, cooked meat, spoiled meat and others. Dropped by one Cooldooku standing on the bridge to my incomplete house expansion.
My initial reaction was surprise. “To what do I owe the pleasure?” I asked, assuming he was giving my some inane drops out of some form of patronage. “Just stopping through,” he replied. I then then noticed him taking a look around my prison tower, where I was currently holding a tribemate in captivity for losing a very difficult to tame dinosaur. Cooldooku sent me a tribe request, but after my experience with the incarcerated tribe member, I wasn’t looking to take on other people. “No thanks,” I replied. “But I do have someone you could take if you’re looking for members.”
I then brought the incarcerated tribe member out of his cell and onto the roof of the prison. “What did he do?” Cooldooku asked. To which I replied with a list of the tribe member’s crimes, mostly crimes of negligence, culminating in the aforementioned loss of the spinosaurus. “no thanks, don’t think I really want him after that,” he said. I laughed at this and continued on with smelting some ore I’d received from a recent trip to Metal mountain (an in tribe name for the mountain overlooking our base). With that, I thought our interaction was over. However upon returning to the forges (newly added to my inprogress build), I found them significantly lacking in ore. My thoughts immediately turn to my guest.
“Dude, did you steal my metal?” I say, approaching him on the bridge to our prison. He laughs and denies it, but I don’t leave. There’s only been one person here, I’m the only one logged on from my tribe. He has my metal. I press him again. To which he laughs “nah jk” and throws 149 metal ore on the ground. A not insignificant amount. I pick it up, but the weight is too great so I throw it into the water to load onto a megalodon. I then notice cooldooku proceeding to look through my chests. “Get out of my house.” I say plainly. He makes multiple attempts to draw me away. Saying there is an alpha rex nearby, or a bunch of rare drops. Feeble attempts, the lot of them. I try to keep working. But only find him repeatedly flying around stealing items from my chests. At times he throws them at me. I continuously tell him to leave. All of the items he is taking are easy to acquire. Meat, iron, sap, I can replenish my stores of these things in a matter of minutes. What bothers me is his continued trespassing; the fact that I have to follow him everywhere while he empties my unsecured storage devices. When I tell him to just stop he retorts. “Man PVE is fun.” He revels in the fact that I can’t kill him. I’m wielding weapons that could make short work of him. He’s surrounded by dinos that could tear him apart in seconds. But because our server is pve, I can’t touch him. I got on this server to avoid this kind of behavior, but here he is exploiting it to his fullest ability. Finally he leaves, with a flippant. “I shall return. Expect me.” Invoking the battle cry of Anonymous after dropping meat on the floor. I can’t help but laugh.
Oh I’ll expect you mother fucker.
I immediately go to work putting up walls, securing every part of my base. I bring in my lieutenant, JetBlackNova, to help secure every part of the base. I finish the floors on the new section where Cooldooku had indulged in his raiding. I secure the chest where he had taken animal drops, like wooly rhino horns, argentavis talons and a not insignificant amount of hide. It was a chest I hadn’t expected I would need to lock. It was inside my house. Sure there was a window, but that was to let in natural light on a “friendly” server where I could count on my neighbors for favors. He also taunts us, saying that he made off with a “buttload of metal” and our black pearls, an extremely rare drop, but not one we have much use for at the moment.
My usual friendly demeanor is now replaced with one of meticulous revenge. I am now having to put reinforced windows and doors on every opening, locking different rooms with different pincodes. I build up walls around the new addition to the house leaving a giant opening in the center for where I will put my grand staircase when the dock is finished. I meticulously test the submerged structures of the dock, making sure no one can swim in from underneath. And that’s when a plan begins to take form.
Cooldooku will return. And when he does. I will be ready for him.
I test the giant opening in the center of the dock, right near the water landing. It is a giant, empty column of air cutting through the floors as the walls go up around them. 2 floors apart. Outside of jump range. If I can lure Cooldooku into this room, I can keep him here indefinitely. The room is new and mostly unfurnished, so I could just ignore him there until he starves or drowns himself in the shallow water. Or I could use him as a bargaining chip. On a friendly server, no tribe will want to be known as thieves. There is one flaw in the plan. If he can get in, he can call his pterandon into through the currently empty stairwell. So I lay down a ceiling on the third floor, knowing I can remove it when the time comes. Then I make sure there are no gaps on the second floor for the pteranodon to fly in. I test the structure again. It is impossible to leave the room from the first floor. I have left an opening on the second floor, mostly to entice him into the house, since he has already announced his intent to return. However, if he has a grappling hook, he could just climb out and back through the hole in the second floor wall. I put in a door, but leave it open. I leave several doors open and then I bait the trap. I lay a gold chest in the center of the stairwell hole. The gold chest has no pin, which will likely lure him to fall down the hole and search it. I don’t put anything in it.
And then I expect him.
I continue building. Putting cosmetic touches on my new aviary, a floor high above the rest of the house for storing flying dinosaurs. Eventually a message appears in public chat.
Barry [of tribe: The Tribe of Barry] asks “Hey rane you on?” The Tribe of Barry is a tribe to the far north. I’ve had dealings with them in the past, all amicable. I discovered their camp when a carnotaurus was killing their parasaur and took the saddle from the corpse, knowing that it would despawn if left alone. By chance I then found one of their number on the beach nearby. I returned the saddle, telling them what had happened and then offered them a pistol, as a show of good faith that I hadn’t intended to take the parasaur saddle for myself. Later they helped me down a quetzal, however it landed in a river and drowned. I now have a standing order with them that if they see a quetzal, to tell me, as that is the next logical dinosaur my tribe needs to tame. So when I get this message from Tribe of Barry, I am excited to answer. “Hey! Yeah I’m on.”
It’s been a few hours now. And to my delight, another post appears in the public chat. “Oh HI rane!”, cooldooku. “Got a quetzal for me?” I ask, totally ignoring cooldooku. “Yeah,” cooldooku posts. “female.” He says, citing the standing order I requested. “I tamed it.” “Oh congratulations.” I say, totally disregarding the notion that this is true. “Do you need a saddle?” It is true I have a quetzal saddle that I made in preparation for my tame. But I’m not actually offering it, nor am I trying to use this to bait my trap, I’m just trying to disengage; appear aloof. “You should come see it.” He says. “No thanks,” I say as I continue collecting wood for the aviary. “Busy.” Tribe of Barry finally comes back to chat. “Yeah, sorry. We have 2.” “Fuck,” I say. “None of the rest of my tribe is here.” “Okay, we’re trying to get one. Could you make us some tranq darts?” “Sure come on down. Been meaning to talk to you about an alliance anyway.” Cooldooku, who has been rambling in the midst of this, interjects “Oh sure I’ll come.” I subtly prepare for cooldooku’s arrival. There are three doors open on the third floor, all randomly placed and tied to one pin code. I have terminals in most rooms that I can use to seal those doors, effectively locking off the entire dock. I begin putting away the wood from my current outing. Organizing my inventory. Cooldooku arrives as expected. He taunts me, I ignore him. When he suggests that I go off to do something, I respond. “I’m busy.” I don’t suggest anything about the trap. I don’t bait him. I just let him act. And act he does. As I’m preparing for Tribe of Barry to arrive, I receive a message. “I’m stuck.” Great, I think. I turn to the nearest keypad and punch in the code for the doors to the trap. I grab my paint bottle and run around the outside painting every door to the dock black so that I remember which ones not to open. Then I ignore him. Barry arrives. He shouts at my door “Rane, let me in” I am cautious. I can’t have too many people involved in this. I come outside and tell him “Yeah sorry, I’ve got this guy trapped in my house because he stole from me. “ah, whatever,” he says. “Can you make me some tranqs?” “sure.” He throws his bullets on the ground. I take them down to my workshop and make as many as I can. I’m out of metal though. I bring them back. “Made what I could, but this fucker took all my metal.” He thanks me and we test the alliance feature. The tests fail, we are not able to interact the way I’d wanted, so I say goodbye and he flies off. I return to the second floor of the dock. “Rane, fuck man let me out.”
It’s been about 20 minutes at this point. I stand above the hole. He is trapped in places by no more than a thatch door. Something which, on another server, he might be able to break down. But here, he is helpless. “Man I love PVE.” I hold him there for over an hour. I offer him a choice. Give me all my stuff back, or drown yourself in there and I will take everything you have on you. Either way we’ll call it even. He brought the metal and black pearls with him. I tell him to put them in the chest. Surprisingly, he does. I jump down, thinking this will make him think he has a way out. I take the items from the chest, and then grapple out. Leaving him alone again in the empty room. He tells me that there is more back at his base if he can just get out he’ll take me. I’m not letting that happen. If he gets out, he’ll have no reason to bring my stuff back. I will go to his base and take what’s mine back. “Fuck man, just let me out. I’ll take you to your stuff you have my word.” “Oh,” I say sarcastically, “I have your word.” Barry has been antagonizing him in the meantime. Here he cuts in “What good is your word, thief?” “Where is your base?” I ask. Cooldooku says he’ll show me if I just let him out. Not happening, I tell him. Either he tells me where it is and how to get in, or he drowns himself. If he won’t tell me, I’ll find it. He’s said it was near here. “I’m talking to my tribe leader.” He says. “Good. Tell him to get on.” “He says I’m in the wrong.” “What’s the pin to your base?” “I can’t tell you that in public chat.” “Then drown yourself and I’ll take your inventory.” He continues to insist that I let him out. I’ve found the base. I start going through unsecured chests. “Where’s the rest of the hide? I only see 13 here and I know you took a lot more than that.” “How are you in my chests?” “They aren’t locked.” This isn’t entirely true. A few of them are unlocked, but most things are pin protected. He tells me that his tribe leader can’t get on, that he’s at his girlfriend’s house. Meanwhile my fiancé is watching through a skype screen share, enjoying the schadenfreude. I continue to demand the pin to his base. I tell him that as soon as he gives me the pin, I’ll take what’s mine from his inventory and let him go. He can change his pin when he gets back to base. “How do I know you won’t just keep me here if I do.” “You have my word.” Again I bask in the words thrown back in his face. Ironically, my word on this server actual carries some weight. I’ve helped out many fledgling tribes, giving out saddles and offering my crafting services, sometimes at a price, sometimes pro bono. This has been going on for about an hour and a half when his tribe leader, Varrko, gets on. I meet him in front of the base. “Hey, sorry about all this, but your guy stole stuff from me.” “Yeah I know.” I ask for a list of everything that was stolen. 2 stacks of hide. 55 metal ingots, sap, meat. I say I don’t care about the meat. At this point in the game meat is more a byproduct of play than a sought after resource. Varrko goes into his base and returns with 2 stacks of hide and 40 sap. “Fuck, someone took my metal too.” Varrko says. “I wonder who that could have been.” “Would you take anything else instead?” I ask for sparkpowder, but that, too, he finds missing. He offers cementing paste, but I have thousands of units of it. Finally he offers gasoline, a composite that is not particularly hard to craft, but then we are dealing with a deficit of 11 metal ingots. An offer of 50 gasoline is definitely a fair trade. “Again, sorry about all the trouble.” I say. “If you ever need a favor let me know.” “Are you gonna let me out now?” Cooldooku says as I fly back “No.” Barry interjects. Varrko let’s out a “what the fuck” but I tell Cooldooku that I’m coming back. I open the door. “Get the fuck out of here.” I tell cooldooku. “Whatever. I don’t regret any of it. I’d do it again.” he says as he climbs onto his pteranodon. “I don’t care. I don’t need your regret. All I needed was my stuff.” His karmic debt settled in my eyes. I allow him to trash talk. “Nah, but really sorry dude.” He finally says after a long bout of taunting. I can't help but laugh at the ridiculous attempt at an apology immediately after expounding his lack of regret. “Hahahaha. Fuck you.”




You sure showed them! We do have some additional work to do with improving how things can be exploited in PvE, unfortunately it's always going to be a cat and mouse system with people always looking for players to exploit. Glad you guys were able to resolve it all without it getting too out of hand ;).
Congratulations and thank you for sharing one of your ARK memories! Be on the lookout for contact from @MisterWoodhouse for your prize! :)
This story is amazing, and the fact that people can easily exploit pve is a wrong.