A community for Ace/Aro people to share stories, talk about problems, support each other and have fun!
Another intro post
Hello! My name is Maddy. Did it take anyone else quite long to go from "oh ace/aro! so that's a thing!" to "This is me."?
I think I first read about the term around 2011/2012 and it took me until this year to fully accept ace (gray-ace specifically) as a term for myself.
It is funny, because I had no problem identifying with the label bi (bisexual at first, now biromantic) since I first heard it. I never thought I was straight, because as a child it didn't matter and when I got old enough to think that I should be able to tell other people how I identify (13 or 14, maybe? I am now 29, btw) bi felt natural and it has ever since.
Anyway, it was just something I wanted to share, wondering if others who are non-heteroromantic/non-heterosexual as well as ace/aro had experienced as well. And I guess it just shows how deeply rooted certain social expectations are in our heads.
I look forward to meeting you all, read about your experiences, laugh about some ace/aro jokes and maybe learn some new things :)




Several years, yes! Especially because I'm grey asexual and have health and trauma stuff complicating things, so didn't fit the neat box of "definiterly not into sex at all and it's 100% personal preference".
But it took me like...16 years from learning about bi-ness to start identifying that way, and I only JUST realised I'm non binary, so I take a while to realise these things in general :)
So while being unsure about one thing about yourself, you even learned something new about yourself along the way. That's even better :)
Yeah, it's been a pretty cool journey.
Just last week I actually wrote a whole blog post about this particular phenomenon. https://luvtheheaven.wordpress.com/2016/08/30/when-someone-learns-a-word-but-it-will-take-a-lot-for-them-to-grasp-the-concept-it-describes/ I learned about asexuality in a broad, vague sense when I was 20 years old. I didn't think about it again till I was 22, didn't identify as asexual until I was 23. And at the end? That was after months of heavily considering how I might be ace. I didn't declare that I was asexual until I was absolutely sure, and that took me "Quite long", certainly, yes.
i did an internet search and stumbled across the word 'asexual' for the first time in 2002 / 2003, but it wasn't until 2012 that i finally accepted myself as ace. interestingly, it was the sudden realization that i was/am bi (/pan) that was the final push i needed to realize and accept myself as ace... hmm!
I used to think that I was bi or pan because I didn't like one more than the other. You are just learning more about yourself, so this is normal for you to change your mind about who you are. I am 17, and still learning about myself, and my view changes ever so slightly with each thing I learn.
I only just understood over the summer that I'm aro. I suspect mine might be related to borderline PD but I haven't yet had the chance to discuss it with anyone professionally. It all added up and made a LOT of sense though. So I'm just taking it as it goes right now and not really pressuring myself about anything.
I'm someone who likes to make lists and check boxes, so not being able to check the 'define own sexuality neatly' box caused me a lot of stress. But you are totally right, there's no pressure and we can figure things out as we go and make new experiences :)
took me very long, especially because i sort of depended on relationships to organize my life and hoped that having a relationships would somehow "fix" me and help me get my life under control (which it didn't because surprise, i'm disabled).
from hearing the word for the first time to accepting that that is me it also took me, idk, 4 years or so. when i heard it the first time i was like whoa, that is me, and then i was like, no that can't be, i'm "normal", i have to be, i'm in this relationship, i can't lose this relationship (it was an abusive relationship and i was heavily dependent on my partner) and so i pushed the thought away.
later i was like, well maybe i'm just not into men, tried things with people of other genders but never quite got the hang of it as well so eventually i returned to questioning asexuality and stuck with that
Hello! thank you for commenting! I'm sorry to hear that you were in an abusive relationship back then but I'm glad you got out and found out more about yourself too.
My situation was different but similar in the way that, because I wasn't in a relationship when I read about asexuality (and had never been in one that lasted longer than a few weeks or wasn't long distance) I thought "How can I be sure with this little experience to go by". Now I am in a relationship that has already lasted more than 1 year and my partner is allosexual. And I'm still as indifferent (most of the time), repulsed (sometimes), kind of interested (very few times) in regards to sex as ever, so I guess that logic of 2011-me didn't work out.
Yes, it took me decades. I initially identified as bisexual and was comfortable with that identity. Years passed. I had relationships with men and women. I later married. I've been married for years and I still am happily married. It took years to finally accept that I am grey asexual and panromantic. It was a relief to be able to have words that described how I identify. It was also a relief for my partner, who is fully supportive of my identity, because now we understand our relationship dynamic better than before.