Private nook where I attempt to defy gravity and come out of my shell.
Day 3. Marvel Cinematic Universe. Phase 1: Thor

I regret everything. Turns out that my MCU experience has phases, like the fucking franchise, so I decided to make three different separate posts about it. Let's start from the beginning.
PHASE 1 (2011-2012) Thor Loki
The Origin Story
Before 2011, I didn't care for superheroes. In my mind, they were a bunch of buff men with shitty costumes, unrealistic ideals and white teeth. I was vaguely aware that "occidental comics" were a thing, but I found their art style inconsistent, and I didn't get much what the fuss was about.
I then started to hang out with a few Marvel fans. They were pretty excited about the new movies, so I went to see Thor with them, even if I wasn't exactly interested (around the same time I went to see X-Men: First Class, if I'm not mistaken, but that's a story for another entry).
I can't say that that was the moment I became a fan of Marvel. I still didn't know anything about the rest of the universe. For a few months, the main point of interest to me was Loki Laufeyson.
Mischief and Misfits
I know that Thor (2011) is supposed to be about the title character, but it might as well have been called The Rise and Demise of Loki of Asgard, for all that I cared. My friends and I used to joke that the movie was supposed to be about Thor, but then Kenneth Branagh hired Tom Hiddleston. Never put more than two Shakespearian actors in one place, or Hamlet may happen.
I found Loki far more interesting than his hot-headed, impulsive, brawnish older brother. He's the younger brother with an inferiority complex, opposite in every aspect from his sibling (there are some interesting contrasts between them, other than the usual dark/light, brain/brawn, lean/buff, cautious/impulsive pairs, such as their fighting style, their weapon of choice, and many, more fannish others). He's the misfit, the strange runt, the invisible one who just wanted to be seen.... and then in his effort he went and committed a genocide (or attempted to). He is the bad guy, after all.
(Some people out there seems to be under the impression that we Loki fans aren't aware that he's the villain. Don't worry. He's crazy and he's evil. We know. Understanding a villain's origin story is not the same as justifying him for it.)
Anyway, that dark twist couldn't stop me from sympathizing with him, not after I'd seen him being crushed under the knowledge that he was even more different than he was lead to believe: what does it feel like when you find out that you're actually the sworn enemy of those whom you considered to be your own people?
Tom Hiddleston's acting alone gave me lots of feels. But there was so much potential beneath it. I needed to go deeper, to explore more of that entangled knot of unresolved issues and pain that I could feel moving just under the surface. So I dived into that dark mess of smutty half-filled prompts that was norsekink, aka the kinkmeme.
Norse mythology with a side of comics
The most interesting thing about MCU fanfiction in general is that, since the source material is often lacking, people tend to fill the voids with characterization from other sources. This usually means that everyone is basing their writing on headcanons that are somewhere in between the comics and the MCU (even if they're not a comics fan, because they learn stuff that gets passed on through other fanfiction or meta posts. Fascinating, isn't it?); in this case, lots of writers threw in their knowledge and research about actual Norse mythology.
I quickly fell in love with a few headcanons tied to these bits of mythology, especially because they offered starting points to explore different themes and topics that I found particularly compelling, like gender, family and diversity. Also, worldbuilding and alternate storylines.
Let's make a few examples.
Everyone knows that Loki's father in the movies is Laufey, right? Turns out that in the most popular version of the myths, Laufey is actually Loki's mother. Her other name Nál means "needle" because she was slender and weak.
Nal/Laufey's being "weak and slender" would explain why Loki is so small even when he's in his Jotun form, but how to justify the awkward parent-swap?
(Also, why Marvel decided that Laufeyson sounded cooler than Laufeyjarson, which is an actual matronym used through poetic Edda? My money is on sexism. Or maybe because daddy issues are cooler than mommy issues? But I digress)
I don't know who started it, but the fandom jumped on the same aliens with binary sexes are boring, let's make everyone with the same plumbing train that I later rode on when I got into homestuck. Someone decided that Laufey was Loki's father, but also that he was the one who gave birth to him, because all Jotnar have parts that allow them to both conceive and sire children.
Cue Loki's confusion when he finally hits puberty and gives birth to eight legged horses, half-dead girls, wolves and snakes, even though everyone agrees that magic and weird eating habits were also involved with those. (Don't you just love mythology? I'm going to say more about this later.)
Example:
- Dear Mother, by anonymous || a small fic where Loki is small because he's actually still a child, and Laufey recognizes him as theirs and dotes on him. It's actualy a perfect example of another headcanon discussed below.
- Pins and Needles, by emerald_embers || Inspired to Thrymskvida. Thrym asks Loki in marriage. Cultural relativism and xeno-sexy times, where Loki finds out that sex with somebody who knows how his body is actually made can be pretty damn awesome. It also has an interesting reading on gender.
- With Open Hand, by ladyk_d_azrael || based on the same prompt as Pins and Needles, with added political machinations.
Loki is often depicted with having a weird relationship with his own body.
It's of course because even if he's a Jotun he decides to look like an Asgardian. He can change the shape and the aspect of his body at will, and while there are headcanons in which he can do this because he's a natural shapeshifter, the most accredited theory is that he's a skilled magic user.
The practice of sorcery (seidhr) was considered unmanly (argr) in ancient Norse society. If someone was accused of unmanliness (ergi), he could demand a duel to restore his honor. Unsurprisingly, in less ancient times, the same word could be used to indicate the passive role during a homosexual intercourse, and not in a flattering way (like in Roman society, the stigmatization didn't extend to the active role).
Taking this extra info in consideration, character studies about Loki become even more interesting. I've read many fics where Loki explores the ideas of gender identity and sexual orientation, while taking in account his own skills and talents. He doesn't fit in a gender box, he's skilled in something that his people doesn't consider worthy, his sexual preferences are deemed shameful, and he's consantly torn between the pride of what he can do, the will to do what he wants, and the desire for acceptance, for recognition, for being like every one else. (Maybe you can tell, but every single one of those points hit a little too close to home for me.)
Examples: I couldn't find any specific fic about this headcanon, because it's a little all over the place. The other fics recced in this posts definitely contain ideas inspired by this concept.
- In Home by anonymous it's mentioned that Loki changes his shape whenever he wants. It's a Coulson/Loki set after Thor (2011) but before Avengers, where Loki takes to annoy Coulson because of reasons, while he's attempting to find himself and his reason, after he fell into the vortex.
- Sort of deconstructed in Athelas, by astolat, where Loki actually takes an active role in the relationship with Thor (which is pretty rare!) and is brutally able to kill his opponents in duel without his magic.
Family is a central topic when Loki is involved. He has of course a difficult relationship with the members that we know from the movies and the comics, but things get even more complicated when mythology is involved.
There are a few lovely fic that talk about Loki's relationship with his children (Narfi and Vali, Jormungandr, Hela and Fenrir, and Sleipnir), and a few talk about his lovers too (Sigyn, Angrbodha and Svadhilfari). On the Asgardian side, we also have Odin's younger son Balder (have you ever heard of the apocalypse?) and Freja and Frejr, featured as cousins.
But my favorite side of the family is the Jotun one, especially because of the scenarios that usually go with it. In a popular alternate headcanon-storyline, Loki wasn't abandoned but he was actually left in a temple because his family thought that he would've been safer in a holy place; Odin, either by mistake or on purpose, effectively kidnapped him. Years later, during Thor (2011) happenings, Laufey recognize Loki as his long lost first born, and welcomes him back home, introducing him to the rest of his family (his sire Farbauti and his younger brothers, Helblindi and Byleistr) and sometimes a possible husband and/or beautifully crafted worldbulding shenanigans.
Examples:
- Eidolon, by Llanval, where Loki was never abandoned, and instead grew up with his brothers on Jotunheimr as the treasure and pride of his family. It was supposed to be an arranged marriage fic, but it's incomplete. It's very long and complex, with tons of worldbuilding and the slowest burn.
- Hierarchy of Needs, by ameonna1 is an example of that alternate storyline to a t. Also incomplete.
If you want to read more fics about Loki and mythology, you can find a few here in my pinboard, or go back to the source and look through the fill list on norsekink. You won't regret it.
Of Shipping and Crafting Tales
At the very beginning of my Loki phase I was a huge fan of Thor/Loki, mostly because all the fandom was into it and there were lots of fics about them, but soon enough I realized that more than in the ship itself I was interested in how Loki reacted to his partner and to the people that interacted with him, and how (if!) these interactions changed him.
(As soon as I met Tony, he replaced Thor as the love interest and I became Frostiron trash, but I'll probably mention more about this in the next post)
Most of the early fics I wrote in this fandom are about being in love with someone he couldn't have, Loki's loneliness, and his being different because of his different interests and hobbies and because he doesn't fit the gender/sexuality box. How confused-sixteen years old of me. I was an angsty teenager with an over-identification problem.
Fall (English version linked; a quick oneshot about Loki falling to his non-death off the Bifrost. I was less proficient in English than I am now when I wrote it, so the vocaboulary is... peculiar), A hole in the sand (ita; aka the AU I didn't remember I wrote, where Loki is a wedding planner and in love with his brother, and he finds himself having to plan Jane and Thor's wedding. I don't know either. It's pretty angst and ridiculous) , Incense (ita; Loki has a wet dream about Thor) and Discarded (ita; a badly written break-up fic) are definitely forgettable.
I am still some definition of proud about The Glaciers Made You (and now you're mine), which is the first serie I've ever plotted out in its entirety. Its tagline was "Loki and his relationships with his brother, his family, his madness, his enemies and his lovers, and it was supposed to be a 30-fics, non-linear journey through Loki's life, from his childhood to the present day (aka, Avengers), inspired by the movies, the comics' canon and mythological episodes. I wrote about 6 stories, and then I put it on the back burner, for a number of reasons. I still have the outline in my WIP folder because I really want to go back to it someday- maybe when Ragnarok comes out?
In the same order as they were posted:
- Defiant (ita), inspired by the time Loki shaved Sif's golden hair. Frigga wonders why her younger son is so prone to mischief and seems so jealous of Sif.
- Treason (ita), a missing moment from the movie. Plotting to let in the Jotnar during Thor's incoronation, Loki takes a trip on Jotunheimr and sets the plan in motion.
- (un)grateful (ita), inspired by the myth of Loki's wager after he went to the dwarves to get Mjolnir (the continuation of the previous myth). Thor's enjoys his new weapon while Loki suffers in the next room. I played a little with the timeline, so it's not actually set right after Defiant. I was so unfair to Thor in this story- he truly is a big dumb oaf, to the point of being cruel.
- Argr (ita), inspired by the myth of the fortification of Asgard. Loki saves the day, and discovers important things about himself thanks to Svadhilfari. Yes, it's Loki/Svadhilfari, not it's not about having sex with a horse.
- Can't tell Valhalla from Hel (ita), a tie-in between the mythological period and the movie. Thor drinks by accident a love potion and gets handsy with Loki, who ultimately has sex with him, but feels horribly guilty about it. I think I was trying to portray a sick contrast between sexual and romantic love (Loki has feelings for Thor, but Thor just wants to fuck him) but eh. Close enough.
- Holding moments in the depth of care (ita), extended version of Fall, now with more physical pain and angst. Loki falls to his non-death and regrets everything.
- No polished phrases to recite, inspired to the fact that in the movie Sleipnir exists but is not addressed as Loki's son in any way (and thank God tbh, but hey, why save myself from the pain?). While they're out for a hunt, Thor, the Warriors Three, Lady Sif and Loki come across an extraordinary eight legged horse. Thor immediately decides to gift it to his father.
My latest Thor/Loki is Fourth Dimension (eng) and it's another break up fic. A decently written break up fic. It's an AU where Loki is a tattooist, lives on the other side of the country, is in a poly/open relationship, and goes to his hometown to congratulate himself with Thor, who has inherited the CEO position of the family's firm, and- fucks him in the broom closet (spoiler: that wasn't the plan).
The Truth beyond the Lies
For some reason, every time I write Loki I end up putting a lot of myself in the story. Through Loki I found out things about my gender identity and my sexual orientation, and even about my feelings about a break-up. Unlike other characters, I never consciously identified with him (at least not while I was active in the fandom- as you can probably tell now I'm much more aware...), but somehow he's the character I pour myself into the most. Maybe it was because I was truly obsessed. I literally couldn't stop thinking about him.
That changed when Avengers and Thor: The Dark World came out.
Avengers is one of my favourite movies in the whole franchise, but it really didn't do any favours to Loki in terms of characterization (which is fine, it wasn't the point of the exercise); I always thought that Thor: The Dark World was a very frankenstein-creature type of movie. I couldn't find the Loki I fell in love with in them. Aesthetically he was still my fave (especially because of his longer hair, his more tortured looks) but I didn't care anymore for his storylines.
But it was okay; with Avengers, I had a new whole universe to explore.
(IT TOOK FOREVER BUT I DID IT! THAT WAS PAINFULLY LONG. If you managed to read this monster, congratulations and thank you! Stay tuned for Part 2 and 3)




Oh yayyyy, you posted this!! :DD
Omg me too! Well I can't remember if it was 2011 exactly, but somewhere around when The Avengers came out? I mean, I'd dabbled in DCU a bit (Batman will always have a special spot in my heart as my official First Favorite Superhero) but I never really dived into the superhero awesomeness until Marvel sucked me in like quicksand.
Haha and this is EXACTLY why we love him.
Exactly, or just stuff out of their heads! And I totally agree with you about all the mythology stuff; I've been a mythology nerd as long as I can remember and adding comics/superheros/Tom Hiddleston to the mix only makes thing better.
Another fic that sorta fits under this theme is Moral of the Story by astolat, which is a really interesting fic because Loki uses his powers of genderbending to put (force?) both Thor and himself into that "passive role". Astolat is a genius at exploring the subtleties inherent in potentially squicky topics like this. Have you read it? It reads dark and uncomfortable BUT AT THE SAME TIME super hot and hilarious. She is amazing.
hahah TONY ECLIPSES ALL
This is what makes the most powerful writing, don't you think? We see ourselves in our most favored characters, and we pour our hearts and souls into writing them. And sometimes it's downright scary how much of ourselves we write when we're supposedly writing about a fictional person. (This is how I feel about Tony all the time, and exactly why I love writing about him so much! It's like, giving yourself permission to write about yourself, but without all the awkward layers of ego lolol).
Hmmm, I see what you mean, Loki wasn't developed quite the same way he was in the earlier movies. But there were a few scenes that were absolutely gold--like that tiny scene when Loki is first told about his mother's death, and he manages to hold onto control for a few seconds (until the guard leaves) and then "lets go" and sends everything in his cell flying? And also the front he puts up when Thor first arrives to enlist him? I guess I'm just a sucker for scenes involving masks and when they slip.
Awesome post!! It was definitely worth the wait! (And sorry I didn't see it earlier; I haven't been on Imzy much since last week... RL craziness got in the way.) Thanks so much for the fic recs, I'm adding them to my to-read list!
So what's up next? Tony maybe?? (Not that I have a one-track mind or anything... hahahha.)
I remember that it was 2011 because I got into Thor and X-Men at the same time, and it's actually the latter that would take the cake for First Superhero Fandom. I'm probably going to write a post about X-Men: First Class when this MCU folly is over XD
Omg I haven't, it sounds great! I'll put it in my to-read list!
Absolutely! In my journey as a writer, I realized fairly late that that emotional connection is what ultimately let me write good stories- I also think that it's the reason I became more shy with my writing, for a little while. It's putting yourself out there, vulnerable, and for everyone to see- and of course nobody would know, because it's buried under the layers of someone else's ego, but you do, and it's scary af lmao. It's also an absolute mindfuck how your subconscious sometimes gets poured in something you're writing, and you realize it only after some time, because by the time you went to re-read the thing that issue has come up to your consciousness, and you're like "well, you could've told me sooner!". I'm much more self-conscious about that, now. I don't know about 'giving myself permission to write about myself' through Tony, because I do have a hard time letting go (OH WAIT, THAT DOESN'T SOUND FAMILIAR AT ALL, DOES IT? It's not like I have like five different Tony-related headcanons about it ;;;;), but I know what you mean! My more recent WIPs are actually about this- re-learning how to let go, while writing about Tony learning to let go. If this is not meta, I don't know what is :)
There were a few glorious moments, both dramatic (like the ones you mentioned- the slipping mask is definitely a favourite trope of mine too) and comedic (the sass was strong in this one- I always laugh when the Warrior Three threaten to kill him and he's like "wow there's gonna be a line"). Actually, most of Loki's scenes were fine, I just didn't like how some of them fit in the whole story so that kind of ruined for me? I don't know.
Hhh thank you! I ended up rambling a lot and I was a little worried that it would be boring, so I'm happy you liked it :) I'm sorry about your your RL craziness, hope everything has calmed down a bit!
Hahaha one-track mind? I don't know what you're talking about (I say, literally wearing a Iron Man shirt while typing these words, eyeing my Tony Stark icon and Tony Stark phone background...)
Anyway. I had a hard time deciding what to cover in each of these posts because there's a lot of overlapping between them, so in the end I resolved to adopt mixed criteria; they're chronological, in the sense that they roughly cover a few years at a time, and thematic, in the sense that I'll talk about a character to the end of their "fandomic arc" haha.
This means that next post is about 2012-2014, and will cover the period from Avengers to just before CATWS, and that Loki is still in the picture (between redemption arcs and frostiron trashy romance...) but Tony will be the Main Protagonist of the next post :DDD (... and co-protagonist of the one after that, too. It's supposed to be mostly about Bucky, but since I'll be talking about CATWS and how the OT3 Steve/Tony/Bucky was born.... Talk about a one-track mind.)
Hopefully it won't take another two weeks to finish writing this one...