A place for dungeon masters to provide support to each other, ask questions about your game or just have a conversation.
How do you include a player who is getting pushed to the back?
I have a player who constantly gets a bit overshadowed by the other players being a bit enthusiastic and loud. They are too polite to shove a word or two in and I feel like it's discouraging them from getting into the game(ending up on their phone and disinterested).
I don't like presenting opportunities to players, I like them to take initiative and make actions on their own, but i've been trying to ask specifically what this person wants to do and I think they're taking it a bit like i'm being condescending. Has anyone had a situation like this? Got any thoughts?




If you want to draw this player out but not look like you're singling them out, you may well need to adjust your own DMing style. Offer opportunities to everyone, not just the player in question.
That said, there may be some other underlying situation involved -- maybe the player isn't feeling engaged with the campaign as-is, or feels friction with the character initiative choices of the other players at the table but doesn't want to make waves.
Sometimes the best first course of action for a situation is to ask the player about it. It couldn't hurt to try?
In my experience, asking the player has always lead to some positive progress. In response to tai's comment about adjusting DMing style, I would suggest slight adjustment concerning this player's character. After asking the player what kind of playstyle they like, or assessing that through the actions/style of their character, insert sections of the action where this character's abilities can solve a problem very quickly relative to the rest of the party. There must be a way for the party to progress if the specific PC doesn't rise to the opportunity, and the task doesn't need to be obvious. If there's a heavyset door on solid hinges that needs to be passed in a dimly lit dungeon, a rogue can locate and pick a small lock much faster than any other PC could hope to find a key, etc etc. I strongly agree with tai on their points, and this suggestion is simply a supplement. :)
First of all, it may well just be a straight-up social issue. Who is this person? Do they get along well with the other players socially outside the context of the game? Why are they playing? Are they actually having fun?
If they don't really seem to care about the game that much in the first place, politely dis-invite them, because it doesn't sound like that is making things fun for anyone. If they do seem to care in theory, but are checking out in practice, it's worth checking in with them (privately) if there's anything they find frustrating with the game.
It may just be they don't have an assertive personality. Find out if that is something the are comfortable "working on." If they are, the game is a great chance for them to exercise personality skills!
Consider all the stuff they wrote down on their character sheet, and any cool stuff they told you about their character. Come up with some situations for their PC specifically. If they seem to be disengaging, it's your job to turn the spotlight on their PC for a bit. Give their PC some tough decisions. Go ahead and let the game come to a halt for a while until they've had a chance to shine a bit. Then turn the spotlight back to your other enthusiastic players, who will be getting antsy and ready to rock.
Oh, feel free to politely call players out for fidgeting with their phones at the table, (if only to show that their inattention is noticed) but also take that as a cue that the game isn't holding their attention and maybe step up your game a bit.
In addition to what everyone else has said, I'd like to add: This might be a playstyle issue.
To me, that's a particular kind of RPG playstyle. To compare with video games, it's an "open world" sort of thing where the PCs are the instigators of action. It seems like most of your group is on board with that, but there are those players who are looking for more of a "theme park" experience. Where all the dungeons are clearly marked ahead of time. Given too many choices, these players can get overwhelmed and have no idea of what to do next. Thus, they're going along with the rest of the group because that group is providing the only structure the game has, but they can't stand out or take initiative because then they're back in Paradox of Choice land.
Honestly, I'm not sure how to help that; I'm not an imaginative enough DM to run an open world campaign so most of mine are theme-park. Other advice here is good, making challenges specifically for that character, but I'd add that they should be designed with this in mind. If he needs to pick a lock to proceed, he's not going to volunteer because he won't realize that's one of his choices. Giving hints in the form of a list of options ("You notice a small lock here; it could probably be picked. The key is likely not far, but also likely heavily guarded, getting it would require some sneaking" for a rogue, for example) could help.
Force situations where they are the focal point, had a lot of those where they just don't think they know how to rp.