I'm Emma, and I write a lot of porny fanfic. Currently about hockey boys. Come say hi!
So is it an age thing?
I teach undergrads, and during a spirited class discussion today, the students all seemed to agree that people their age (unlike older folks) know how to have productive arguments on the internet with getting their feelings hurt. They complained about "old people on Facebook" who are incapable of dealing with anyone disagreeing with them without melting down or flouncing away.
I didn't say, "That is SO not my experience on Tumblr," for obvious reasons, but it did get me thinking. I grew up arguing with people face-to-face, and there is a certain amount of social nicety that goes along with that. But current college-age people grew up with internet discussions and anon hate memes and YouTube comments sections and everything else. Do they have thicker skin as a result?
Is it a generational thing that I'm so uncomfortable arguing with strangers on the internet, and that I expect people to treat each other like human beings even behind those avatars?




...that is SO not my experience on Tumblr...
There are definitely generational differences in communication style that lead to some pretty bad miscommunication - older folks tend to not get the nuances of syntax and punctuation that younger folks use to indicate tone and tend to come off as more... hostile? upset? than they actually are. I wonder if that leads to situations where an older person has simply concluded that this particular argument with a stranger on the internet isn't going anywhere so let's stop having it but the younger person perceives flouncing and butthurt.
The thing that makes me say it's not generational is that I remember basically the same argument going on back in the day when the internet was just IRC, Usenet, and MUDs. There was always a segment of the population whose approach was 'lol its the internet just put on your asbestos knickers and if you can't handle words on your screen turn off the modem' and there were always people who felt that that represented a massive deficit of empathy and compassion because it failed to consider that the words on the screen were being read by a human.
...for what it's worth, rampant empathy/compassion deficit on reddit seems to be why imzy exists; some reddit employees decided they couldn't be part of the site's culture any longer and are trying to do better. And (but maybe here I go being old?) I'd much rather err on the side of excess compassion than the other way.
(and, umm, hi, sorry to just dive in like that - I was excited when I saw a link on the omgcheckplease page, Something Like This is one of my favorite fics.)
Thank you! I appreciate it!
This is interesting! Yeah, it was sort of weird to hear that so strongly when I've pretty much lived on the internet for 15 years now. But I also know that I'm probably not a typical example of someone my age either, yanno? I know my perspectives on many things are skewed because of that.
Another interesting thing was that I had the students write some basic info on an index card for me, including preferred pronouns. And none of them gave me a preferred pronoun, not a single one. I was genuinely surprised!
Hmmm - I've not thought about it that way before - but I am not certain that is necessarily true - I think they are just as hurt/involved with hurt as we are - at least form what i have seen-but maybe I am wrong. I would like to see people treat each other in kinder ways but I am not sure if that will happen.
I also can't help but wonder how skewed my view of the world is after spending a view years on Tumblr. I mean, I know fandom folks aren't necessarily representative of the general population, but these kids are on a lot of social media sites, so I was a little surprised at the assertion that people my age were the problem on the internet, you know? Not that I think young people are the problem, but... Heh, I have no idea what I think. :P
That is also a valid point - I think there's a lot more (or appears to be) a lot of 'first strike' reaction of Tumblr & Facebook too-*shrugs-interesting though - that they don't see it
I think if their main experience is Facebook, that could be why they have that impression. I've seen older folks (older than us) be really rude, especially when their views are challenged. I've been on the internet for...22 years now? (had to think about that), and no matter what my username is, I try to present myself online the way I do in person. Which basically means that I can be hella salty at times, but I strive to treat people with the same kindness and compassion I'd want them to show me.
Oh, I agree so much with this! I feel facebook differs a bit from other kinds of social media particularly because for a great majority of its users these are people they know personally (and have interacted face-to-face with at least once), so it's more likely that a heated argument will have immediate social impact - with the added bonus that different privacy settings impact who's getting to participate in the disagreement.
Oooh, interesting! I hadn't thought of it as a aFB-specific thing, but maybe so.
I think of it like video games. I can barely kill a bug in life. I go on rampages in Grand Theft Auto that have literally made my mother gag. I'm the right age to have grown up in the era of AIM and MySpace being new and I will tell you that if we wanted to let a crush know how we felt it was happening online. You don't have to face their reply irl. And I think it's the same on Facebook. When you aren't facing real consequences and real people's emotions you only have yours to feed off of and it becomes a feedback loop.
There's theory about the interplay of emotions in cultures and groups and one really important factor is the tendency of emotions to function as currency. When we're not visibly seeing someone else's anger we just keep going with arguments online because it's a kind of detachment that is very second nature to people my age (26) and younger. Or at least so it seems. I'm behind on affective and emotion theory so thought may have changed.