Why retail drones wish you, "Happy holidays," and not a, "Merry Christmas."

Having been a retail drone myself, let me tell you why most of them will wish you happy holidays and not a merry Christmas. What follows is not aimed at anyone in this community, but rather the hypocritical taint skins that are more worried about their feelings and self-importance. So, it's an open letter, if you will.

First, they don't want you to have a merry Christmas, as you scream at them about how it's all their fault the store doesn't have that New Hotness Toy your spunk spawn have been crying for, ever since it saw the commercial two hours ago. They want you to die alone in an ironic death trap, because they have to help you figure out what a video game is when they could be doing their own holiday errands or spending time with their family.

Second, they might practice a religion that doesn't observe Christmas or do not practice any religion! How can they wish you a merry Christmas when they don't believe in the same god and messiah that you do? Do you not believe in freedom of speech? No one should be forced to wish anyone anything. What? It should be common courtesy since you're spending money at their store? Fuck you! You're placing too much importance on youself, you selfish cock snorkle. Doesn't that even go against the supposed idea that Christmas isn't all about you? That it's a season of giving? I wish you a million sweater vests and neck ties! A pox of menial clothing on you and your house!

Third, when you assume, you make an ass out of you and me. No one wants to be that insensitive ass biscuit that just automically thinks everyone buying something this time of year is doing so because of Christmas. Or assume that every single person is a raging, god-fearing consumer Christian. Not everyone who is shopping at all times is a good Christian. Some of them are terrible Christians who shouldn't have a merry Christmas. Huh? Bet you didn't think about that!

Fourth, speaking of your religion, shouldn't it bother you that the concept of Christmas is both arbitrary and lacks any semblence of meaning to your faith? First, there is no passage in the Bible about keeping the day of Jesus' birth sacrosanct, especially since the Good Book never even says when he was born. In fact, many early Christians believed that celebrating a person's birth was a pagan ritual. In all actuallity, the hallmarks of Christmas - gift giving, trees, lights, ect. - are rip offs of a number of pagan rituals that celebrate the winter solstice and make no appearence in the Bible whatsoever. I guess what I am trying to say is, why should anyone wish you a merry "Good Job on Appropriating Other Cultures?"

Fifth, and the real reason no one at a Walmart wishes you a merry Christmas is this: in retail, there is no Christmas. By the time you are worried about Christmas, stores are already worrying about New Years and Valentine's Day. Those of you who aren't selfish ass hairs might have noticed that for the last few years now, holidays have been encroching on other holidays. Did you go to a Walmart before Halloween? What did you see?

FUCKING CHRISTMAS TREES!

To quote Lewis Black, "We don't even enjoy the holidays any more. We just like to announce when they're fucking coming." There is a lot of crap going on behind the scenes to make the holidays - yes holidays - easy for you. To make sure you can get that shitty toy for Broken Condom #3 or that gross duck for dinner. The holidays are a whrilwind for those who work in retail, and they are focused on providing you with eveything you need to celebrate each and every one of them. In retail, the holidays start with Halloween and end with New Year's. So yes, it's holidays you smegma huffing glutton.

Retail associates do not get to celebrate Chistmas or any other holiday like you do. When they want to be with their own families, they have to work stupid hours and even come in one day of the year because greedy pig-monsters consumers want to buy a piece of shit HDTV for $150. Retailers have to plan their holidays around their work, not the other way around. They're not special snow flakes. They don't get the privalege of demanding graciousnous when screaming about the latest Elmo abonimation.

The customer isn't always right and how fucking dare you demand an ego blow job.

Most of these folks work hard and believe in customer service. And for their hard work, everyone treats them like shit. A lot of them work two fucking jobs, but the country considers what they do a job for the elderly, minors, and college students.

So maybe before you cry about someone not stroking your bible, you thank them for working on a holiday you get to have off.

Oh, and also, no one is instructed to not wish people a merry Christmas. That has never happened. Quit lying about that.