My experiences putting all of me together to cope with chronic illness, depression, anxiety in a constructive way.
Processing... Processing
I think I've pinpointed , well maybe found the approximate GPS coordinates of my extra depression this round. The damage done.
Figuring out how to accept whatever damage cannot be healed, hammered out, written out - pick your metaphor - means that I will have to incorporate this damage into who I am now. This is not something I just realized but I think it's contributing to my current malaise.
Right now, finding constructive postive things to say is ... not so much happening. I have constructive positive things I do. Little things like take a shower and bigger things like the World Building Workshop I am working through.
I know that hurt and anger are feelings I have subverted the most over the years and I'm feeling those ... but not associated to anything I can put my finger on. I could make some suppositions related to my worry cycle of how the fuck I'm going to build a new life instead of this limbo I'm living in right now trying to recover. I guess maybe I need to find something in my stories that needs to be written angry and channel these feelings.
Right now I need to get myself focused on being ready to be out and about today.
At least the view isn't bad and I've got an extra little friend
(low-light photo, cropped but not otherwise edited)





My Therapist feels we need to make sure all the sad stories have been told and then focus on the good stories. For example, a sad story is a close friendship of mine was ended suddenly by a third party. The good story is that I had that friendship and because of it I love SFF by way of Douglas Adams, developed an interest in computer games, and broadened my music interests.
Maybe I need to go back to that weebly blog I started ages ago, and posted in two or three times, and retool it. Write these stories in two columns. One the sad story and the other column the happy story.
I dunno.