Life's short. Talk fast.
Friday Night Dinner: Lorelai Gilmore, Fairy Godmother
So I recently caught some of the episode with Lane's baby shower, and the part where she asks Rory to be her babies' Lorelai Gilmore caught my attention. Lorelai really seemed to act as a second mom to a lot of Rory's peers. What were your favorite moments between Lorelai and her surrogate children? Did you like her role as the "cool parent" or did you think she tended to overstep with other people's children? Grab a cup of coffee and let's talk about it!



One thing that stood out to me about Lorelai's relationships with the various teens in her life is that she saw a bit of herself in all of them, or at least all of the ones she seemed to have a significant influence on. Lane and Paris in particular both really wanted to live up to their parents' expectations but couldn't for various reasons, and I think that really struck a chord with Lorelai.
Lane spent most of her youth trying to be the perfect daughter and be herself simultaneously, and when she couldn't do both anymore she chose to be herself rather than live the life her mother set out for her--just like Lorelai. I think Lorelai tried to walk a fine line between respecting Mrs. Kim's parenting vs. understanding and supporting Lane's need to make her own choices, but I can understand why some people say she let Lane get away with way too much that she knew her mom wouldn't approve of.
Paris couldn't even separate who she was as a person from who her parents wanted her to be, and I think that was basically Lorelai's biggest fear (see: the "Do I only like Poptarts because Emily wouldn't approve?" conversation from I don't remember what episode in one of the later seasons). Everything Paris did in high school, from joining the Puffs to trying so hard to get into Harvard, she did to maintain her family legacy, and I think Lorelai really understood what it was like to have your parents expectations weigh on you that much. I actually would have liked to see Lorelai take a more active role in Paris's life, but of course Paris's personality and the fact that she made Rory's life hell for most of high school kind of put a barrier between them.
Then, interestingly, there's Jess. I've seen a lot of discussion on Tumblr about why Lorelai wasn't as understanding as she maybe should have been about his issues--after all, she'd done the rebellious teen thing herself. And of course part of her problem with him was the way he treated Rory, but I also think she saw the worst part of herself in him. If Paris and Lane were the Lorelai that wanted to please her parents and couldn't for whatever reasons, Jess reflected the Lorelai that responded to that by saying "Eff it" and taking off. He was arrogant and angry and I think she could relate to that, but where I think he lost her was the fact that he wasn't really doing anything to make a better life for himself. He was just kind of content to ruin everyone else's. I think Luke taking Jess in was kind of analogous to Mia taking Lorelai in, but while Lorelai made the most of the opportunity by working her way up within the Independence Inn and finishing her education as soon as she was able, Jess blew off school and the diner to go work a dead-end job. So even though they started from a similar place, Jess made very different choices than Lorelai did and I think she saw him as wasting all the opportunities that she herself had worked so hard for.
Yes to all of this. Also, I think it's worth noting that while Lorelai was permissive about things Lane would do, she was always adamant that she would not lie to Mrs. Kim on Lane's behalf, no matter what her own feelings in the matter were. It was always very clear that that she would not break the mom code.
And I do agree about the Jess thing. I think also, though, that she did have that instinctual mom fear that he was going to drag Rory down, and that made her harder on him than she might have been otherwise. I think she was also being protective towards Luke in that respect. She knows the pain that a kid running away can cause, and she didn't want Jess to hurt Luke.
When it comes down to it, I would say she saw more of herself in Logan, once she was aware of what an ass Mitchum was, anyway. Jess's problem was that Liz was too hands off (I mean so many problems, but I think he suffered from a lack of parentally imposed boundaries), and Lorelai didn't quite get that Jess didn't have the self-motivation to get past that hands off approach. But Logan? Logan with his overcontrolling parents who had a Plan for his future? Lorelai knows that one all too well. (And one of the reasons I love Logan is that he sat down with Lorelai and had an honest talk about his future and his goals. Meanwhile Dean never ever had any sort of plan at all, not even a vague idea of what he might want to do for a living. And Jess was Jess, and basically seemed like he planned to pull a James Dean.) Probably of all the kids she was a role model for, Logan was the one who needed her most. Lane needed a safe space, but Logan needed to see that the things he wanted - to get out, to be his own person- were achievable.
Excellent point about Logan. I don't tend to think as much about Lorelai as a mentor to him because she was trying to be more of a hands-off parent by the time he and Rory met, but you're right, I think he definitely looked up to her once he got serious about not being his father.
Now that I think about it, in the beginning of Rory and Logan's relationship I think Lorelai saw Logan as basically Rory's Christopher--just a spoiled rich kid who talks a good game about getting out from the life his parents have planned, but who ultimately lacked the drive to come up with any alternative plan beyond dicking around and living off his trust fund. (I have a lot more to say on this subject re: Christopher, but that's another post for another time!)
Where I think Logan started to win her over is when he buckled down and went to work for his father. Even though he didn't have the strength just yet to walk away and create a life on his own terms, I think Lorelai understood how overwhelming the pressure he was under was and she respected him for taking some kind of step toward a viable future, even if it's not the one she envisioned for Rory.
Early Logan was absolutely baby!Christopher, down to them comparing which prep schools they'd be kicked out of. Because this show is super subtle.