a personal blog for gyldneslumbers. you can find me on tumblr with the same name or over on AO3 at deartheworld.
Work Anxiety
(I wasn't feeling too comfortable posting this on tumblr, but then I remembered my imzy! Thank God for this.)
One reason why I like being in school (other than learning) is that 95% of the time, if my anxiety is bothering me, it’s because it’s me. I’m the problem, I know that and I can get through that and deal with it. Not that I also work, 95% of my work-related anxiety is because of the doctors I work for. Thankfully enough, I’ve never had anxiety flares due to a patient. Even when I had a patient yell at me, I was able to get over it relatively quickly. No, instead, my anxiety flares up every time one of the doctors messages me on the work chat or on our intra-network messaging system because I’m constantly in the state of, “Shit, did I fuck up? What did I do?”
And if I did make a mistake, my initial reaction is, “Yes, sorry, my bad. But I didn’t know.” Give me a heads up that hey, I made a mistake and this is how it’s supposed to be done. Thank you, I appreciate that. But please don’t scold me as though I don’t know what I’m doing in general. Please stop making it sound like, Yes, I want you to lose this patient’s business. That’s absolutely what I wanted. If I make the mistake a second time, then yes, absolutely, get more strict with me but we’re talking about non-related issues that you’ve never touched upon during training. I also told you that I never worked before so there’ll be some situations where I won’t know what the right thing to do is (based off on previous experiences) but I try so, sorry that I get flustered in situations in which I'm not entirely sure what to do.
But I don’t know if this is a legitimate reaction? Is it because I had lackluster training or is it just because I’m a shitty human being who can’t function in the real world? Fuck it if I know.



