SFF author. Outer god. NANOSHOCK (Angry Robot) & MASS EFFECT: NEXUS UPRISING (Bioware/Titan). She/they/just this guy...
It's So Hard to Say Goodbye...
Soooooo... the thing is, I'm already in a weird place. I mean, my bipolar cycles are just now stabilizing, which gives me the breathing room I need to, you know, deal with the PTSD aspect of my world. Which is great, because wouldn't it be amazing if I could get that under some kind of control?
Except it feels like I can't actually come up for air. Cognitive therapy is bad enough without throwing the state of this country and all the myriad ways it wants to fuck me into the whole mess. Think it was bad when I was nervous walking down the street to Starbucks? As I deal with all the shit from therapy, I'm finding new revelations—ugly, ugly revelations—and now I can barely open Twitter without hyperventilating.
So, while I love my readers, friends and fans, I'm going to fall back on my original premise—I'm stepping away. I'm going to focus more on Imzy, where I feel safer, and to a much lesser extent, Facebook (where I have a page: /kacealexander). I'm also on Instagram and Tumblr, both as "kacealexander" in the appropriate slot in the URL.
See, today I sent the hardest fucking email, where I had to tell my most amazing professional partners that I am possibly going to miss another deadline. Not because I'm lazy, or playing, or double-booked, but because I can't keep my shit together enough to write while I'm also combatting trauma fallout.
It will get better. I know it will. But lancing the infected wound has never, ever been my favorite part of any movie, and it's true in real life, too.
So I'm super angry at myself. I'm furious at the circumstances that put me here. And I'm bitterly ashamed that this past year has been one struggle after another, so much so that I've failed in what I once prided myself on: timely deadlines.
It's going to be a rough ride for me. While I'm feeling so much better on my stabilizers, what I'm facing now is the black hole of PTSD without the mitigation of hypomania to make it tolerable.
So, yeah. Join my pages if you like. Follow me on Imzy or Instagram or whatever. But Twitter, and most of Facebook's timeline, are just too much for me. I'll push my other things to Twitter, so anyone JUST on twitter won't feel abandoned, but I won't be there to reply as much.
The small and large acts I want to do to help everything won't get done if I can't turn this energy inward for a while.
Sending love, and luck, and enormous amounts of compassion to everyone.




Always do what's best for you ❤️
Hey, we don't really know each other, I'm the CEO here at Imzy. I also have a severe anxiety disorder. One thing I am constantly in the process of doing is making a list of the 10 most stressful things in my life and then getting rid of any of them except the ones I ABSOLUTELY can't.
Something about making them into a list and then crossing things off the list makes it easier for me.
Anyway, I hope you find a better place!
I like to pretend we know each other! ;)
At least, perhaps, in shared troubles. Thanks for the idea...I have a new planner coming tomorrow, and I'm looking at ways to, you know, slim down my triggers while I work on them. This seems like a great way to do it.
I can say I pre-emptively knocked one off the list, anyway!
It becomes fun to knock things off the list. I have grown to calling this my "worry list".
http://www.robot-hugs.com/comics/2013-05-20-Nest.png
<3
🤖💜
Take care of yourself. Give a shout anytime.
I'll still be on Instagram! See you there, yeah? :)
Of course. I'll be envious of that hair.
As the great Dr. Seuss once said, the people who matter don't mind, and the people who mind can go fuck off.
Or something like that.