Gather here to chat about your day & have fun with all your Imzy friends!
Do you notice the ways you were "raised" by a parent or guardian...
... affecting you in your daily life today?
Please discuss!

Gather here to chat about your day & have fun with all your Imzy friends!
... affecting you in your daily life today?
Please discuss!
Gather here to chat about your day & have fun with all your Imzy friends!
Yes. I feel guilty every time I buy something that I don't really need. It's a bit of a downer, but I'm working on it.
I'm the exact same way. I can practically hear my mom saying "Don't waste your money" whenever I buy pretty much anything
"Do you reallllllly need <insert item here> because I make do with <insert archaic junk here> and it works fine."
hahaha
Of course the main reason I'm at Imzy writing software is because my parents pushed education/learning from a young age ☺
The reason I work in technology is because I broke our family's first computer when I was 5 and my dad told me to fix it.
hee!
Yeah but I've overcome most of it now. It used to be... Pervasive. Now it's a bit more of an echo.
I don't ever let how a game turns out spill over into my personal life because my grandfather taught me that "Love is love and cards is cards."
that's great!
Yes! As a child of divorce, I was raised by several parents/step-parents. My stepmom wasn't much of a talker, but she valued hard work. My mom taught me the importance of kindness. Both of those principles still drive me.
My dad taught me to never take any kind of news for granted: always check the source and try to find if there are contradictory arguments, this way I could expand my knowledge and look at the thing from two different points of view.
My mom taught me patience, respect and that every kind of work is vauable.
Awesome! :)
Many ways in the negative. I'm older than my siblings by quite a bit. I had my son when my youngest sister was five. I saw a lot of what they did with my siblings and have made a conscious decision not to do those things with my kids. My stepmother is an incredibly materialistic person, and my youngest sister has that in spades. To the point where I can't even fathom how she and I can be part of the same family. I love thrift stores and finding deals, she will only wear this one brand of jeans that costs something like $200 a pair. I balk at $20, and I need new jeans desperately.
In other ways, I do see some things I do that I remember my parents doing with me. We used to have long political and religious discussions and debates. Even before I really understood a lot of the intricacies of things. And I do that now with my kids. Political debates in the car are just a thing we do.
Car debates are fun!
$200 jeans... I'm with you; 20 is too much.
$200 is twenty hours of work!!! On my end. Totally not worth it!
This is the same sister who got my other sister's car as a present on her 16th birthday. Keep in mind that both my sister (the older one) and I had to buy our own cars, insurance, gas, etc... if we wanted them. (Not my brother, he's the boy and got away with everything.) So my sister giving her a used car -- a Lexus, no less -- is a pretty sweet deal.
She threw the biggest temper tantrum I have ever seen because it was a used car. It was completely paid for. It had very few miles on it. It's a luxury brand. But it was used.
My youngest was born on her 9th birthday. And she was legitimately angry at me for not being at her birthday party. Spoiled is way too kind a word for her.
Oh my goodness... that would drive me a little crazy.
I have a sibling who is somewhat like this.
Do you think it's simply a matter of her adopting the materialistic values she sees in her stepmom? Or is there more?
Out of curiosity, how do you work to avoid issues like this in your own parenting?
I'm learning for future foster/adoptive parenting :)
It's her mother, she's really my half-sister. But that's just awkward to say.
But it's a combination of things. She's the baby, so my stepmother never said no to her. And my stepmother IS very brand conscious. Even when my sister was at a private school where she was wearing a uniform, she made sure that my sister had designer backpacks and underwear. Because that was important.
My sisters get along well. But they're seven years apart. I get along well with the older one. I actually get along well with the youngest, but I know how spoiled she is.
As for issues that I've avoided in my own parenting.
1) Judging.
My mother was very judgmental of me and my father (my parents were divorced from before I can remember). And she was very open about her judgments in front of me. I was in pain a lot of the time between brain issues, horrible allergies and asthma, and joint problems. And her solution to everything was pretty much eat a salad and go exercise. If I would just EAT better everything would be better. According to her, at age eleven I was a fat lazy slob. (I was anything but an overweight child, but that didn't seem to matter.) Her judgments on my father were more varied, but as a kid, it's really hard to hear someone tell you how horrible a parent you love is.
Now that I have my own kids, I don't judge. There's healthy food in the house. There's stuff for them to do for exercise if that's what they want. I don't push them to hike or bike or do laps. And amazingly, kids will go outside and play if it's their choice.
2) Sibling rivalry.
The older sister is a bit more than a year older than my brother. My stepmother and to a certain extent my father would almost actively pit them against each other. Yes, I was there too, but only part time. And I was mostly off with my own children by the time youngest sister was around, so I don't know about her as much. But I remember coming over and trying to figure out which sibling was the favorite this week. And that's completely how it felt looking in on it from a somewhat outside perspective. One kid could do no wrong and everything was blamed on the other kid, no matter what it was. It was weird. Whenever there was bickering or outright fighting kid of the week was comforted, bad kid was sent to their rooms for punishment. And this seemed to change at a whim.
I don't play favorites. I have a different connection to each kid, sure, but there isn't a favorite. When the kids are bickering, we sit down and try and work it out. If I've heard most or all of the problem sometimes I'll just dictate a solution. When they were younger, sometimes that solution was taking whatever it was they were bickering over away entirely. Sometimes it's just that everyone needs to go into a separate area for a bit to breathe and come back when they can speak calmly. My son used to say that he needed to go smile himself first.
3) Spoiling
I pretty much covered the problem above. The solution: No is not a bad word. Boundaries are good. Humans like boundaries. Children like boundaries even more. Once humans know boundaries they push at them, but that's okay. You have to know where they are first.
4) Homework/Grades
My parents demanded straight A's. You must do your homework every night. Straight A's are the only way you can EVER get through life. blah blah blah It caused so much anxiety whenever I didn't ace a test. The same mother who would be angry I wasn't exercising was just as upset when I didn't spend 4 hours on homework. Big projects? They'd more or less do them for me so they'd be perfect.
Yes, getting good grades is important. And I'll help with homework/projects when asked. But C is average. It's not the worst thing in the world. And if you are trying your hardest and you've studied and worked hard and that's what you got with your effort, I'm proud of you for getting through a difficult class. Homework is on you. I'm not going to ride you to do it. I'm not going to do your project for you. I will buy you the materials you need for it. I'll help hold the poster board still if you need that. But I will not cut out individual sea horses for a shoebox diorama and hang them. perfectly.
Because there was a period of time when my (single) mom and I were really poor, I am loathe to spend excessive amounts of money on anything. I also talk very loud, because it was the only way to be heard in my very argumentative household. That being said, I'm very interested in my education, and am about to go into my senior year of college while applying for medical school.
Best of luck!
Indeed, finances I often find are an area where I mirror my parents and upbringing. Additionally it really used to grind my gears when I was young that my dad was so obsessively punctual. While I have yet to take it to his level, over the years I've found myself turning into that slowly but surely. Without proper monitoring and self awareness it could become just as exasperating to those around me.