Gather here to chat about your day & have fun with all your Imzy friends!
Psst! Your OCD is showing!

Granted there are people with full-blown OCD, but I think everyone has a little of it in some part of their life. What's yours?
Mine is email. I HAVE to read email as soon as I get it and reply to it if necessary, then delete it or archive it. I cannot stand a messy inbox!




I have full-blown OCD. Diagnosed. I've had it for decades, and can't remember what it's like to not have it. It has stolen so much from me. I'll admit, I'm rather annoyed when people say "everyone's a little OCD". It carries the same sort of feeling as saying, "everyone's a little cancerous" because most people have moles.
Just to post an incomplete list of my compulsions:
I have to tap on things a certain number of times, in the right positions. Fail in even the slightest way, and I have to redo it all over again. I take forever to do anything because of this.
Random words suddenly become "forbidden" in a conversation. I can't use them, and I have to go back and delete every sentence that uses them if I'm writing an email.
I can't just click on words or links when browsing. My cursor has to be exactly between letters, without touching either. If I do it wrong, I'm not allowed to click the link.
I must count everything as I work. If the number is odd, I have to hold my breath while counting backwards to zero in my head.
Et al.
If I disobey any of these compulsions, it feels like my mind is being torn in half, both literally and physically. There's a specific phobia I have that's deeply tied to the OCD, and disobeying a compulsion causes a bunch of phantom touches to crawl all over my skin, while images of it flash before my eyes. I dissociate and freeze up. Much like a flashback.
A voice in my head laughs and jeers at me whenever I'm forced to perform a compulsion. I know these compulsions are stupid, but it does nothing to change how they, or disobeying them, feels. It's a choice between operating at half capacity or not operating at all.
Then there's the obsessions. Oh god, they're worse than the compulsions. I was borrowing a dear friend's phone while we were by a busy street, and suddenly it occurred to me that I could toss her phone into the street. It horrified me, I didn't want to do it, and I didn't do it... but the thought remained, and in my mind's eye, I saw what would happen if I did follow it. I couldn't look away from it. During Thanksgiving, it occurred to me that I could stab my mother through the back as I walked by her, and my brain forced me to play the scenario out in my head, watching her fall to the ground and bleed. I felt so sick afterwards. Then there's the times when my ability to distinguish between the obsessions and reality blur, and I'm utterly convinced that not checking a certain website will cause everything to go to pieces. I'll stay up late into the night, refreshing over and over until I'm utterly fatigued and crying over not having done the things I needed to do.
The difference between those thoughts and other people's idle thoughts is that I literally cannot send them away, and like the compulsions, they are a constant, 24/7, disabling presence in my life. For the longest time, before I was able to put a word to what they were, I was convinced these thoughts were proof I was a horrible person, and hated myself accordingly.
The whole "I'm so OCD" thing is ingrained into our culture, so I don't hate you or blame you, or think you're in any way a bad person. However, I did feel I needed to share what having the actual disease is like, in hopes more will be able to gain greater understanding of it.
Thank you for sharing. I don't have OCD, and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. But I don't like it when people casually throw out OCD as a term meaning to like something a specific way. It'd be like "we're all a little bit disabled because we've all stubbed our toe or twisted our ankles".
So thank you for explaining what it's truly like, because the more people really know, the fewer people will (hopefully) use mental illness as a casual expression.
Thanks for sharing this. I also have full-blown, diagnosed OCD and it is at times hellish. (I'm not exaggerating at all with that word.) My intrusive thoughts are a lot like yours: "I could just stab my husband with this knife right now and he wouldn't see it coming." "I could punch this coworker right across the cheek." "I could fling myself out of this window pretty easily." I absolutely, positively do not want to do any of these things... but that doesn't stop them from playing vividly inside my head for the next twenty minutes, complete with bone-crunching sound effects.
And I was half an hour late to work today because the rule was that I had to wash my hands if I touched anything made of fabric, my keys, or any part of my purse except the handle. I didn't even really think about it until I saw this post... That sort of nonsense is just my life.
Some people have preferences, or get stressed if they can't maintain things the way they like them, but there's a very big gap between that and a life-altering disorder.
Ugh mine can be really bad. I have it mostly under control now but you will still catch me getting into a cycle of compulsive hand washing or picking at my skin and I do still get into obsessive thought patterns (but that's all internal so no one knows unless I tell them).
I find a lot of folks THINK they know what OCD is but really have no idea how debilitating it can actually be.
How did you get yours under control? My friend recommended quetiapine (aka Seroquel), and I'm thinking of asking my doctor about it the next time that I see her. I've been able to reduce the compulsions, but my obsessions cause my brain to whirl so fast that I feel feverish and nauseous. :/
I wish I could help. Seroquel made me gain 70lbs so I wasn't a big fan of that one. I am not currently on medication and it is still mostly manageable. I think I just learned how to reprogram my brain.
That said mine is pretty mild compared to the experiences of some folks I know.
I added tags for you; I could see this conversation getting serious.
I need to double/triple check things sometimes. For example when I lock a door...
I am like that before I leave the house. I make 3 pants pats several times. Phone, left front...check. Keys, right front...check. Wallet, right rear...check.