First Post - struggling with health problems and trauma

Hey, I'm new here. I guess I've just been struggling and wanted somewhere I could open up. I'm 21, and came from an abusive home life. Physically, sexually, and emotionally. I self harmed a lot when I was younger and was very suicidal. But I moved out when I was 16 and I felt like everything would be okay, and I would never have to go through that again. But then when I turned 18 I had my first relationship, and he seemed nice but ended up being horrible. I found out he had been cheating a year and a half into the relationship with a bunch of people, including friends of mine. I broke things off immediately, but he kept contacting me and harassing me. Then he broke into my house and raped me. He continued stalking and harassing me for months, moving a block away and breaking in whenever he felt like it. I didn't know how to tell people, so I said nothing. He had started hurting other girls and I remember feeling like it was better me, than them. Eventually I reached out and got support and managed to get out of that situation, and thankfully he's been out of my life for over a year now. I have a girlfriend now and she's amazing. She's been so supportive and caring. However, the sexual assaults I experienced with him were so violent and aggressive that it caused a bunch of health problems for me, and I ended up having to have a pretty serious surgery because of it in February this year. I was meant to have it last year but I was so traumatized and triggered by the whole thing I just couldn't handle it. Anyway, the surgery was awful and I didn't get proper care after. It's not a common surgery so most GP's I saw had no idea how to help me, and the hospital didn't make any effort to connect me with people who could. I ended up chronically bleeding for half of the year before going to emergency in August. Since then I've been seeing doctors and nurses every day. It's just so exhausting and every time it seems like I'm getting better.. I just don't. Before this happened I was running and eating healthy, but now I can't even walk to the shops, let alone carry groceries. It's made me so depressed to feel like so many things have been taken from me because of something that was out of my control, and it makes me feel totally hopeless for the future. I just don't see how anything could make up for all of these horrible things, even if I do get better physically. To top it all off, I have a bunch of work due for uni, and when I saw the surgeon at the start of the week he said I need two more surgeries, one because I might have skin cancer. It just feels like blow after blow, and I don't know how to change my attitude or see things differently. I have a lot to be grateful for: my girlfriend, a close relationship to my grandmother, supportive friends, good grades, and I live in a beautiful city (Melbourne). But I just have so much pain that it's hard to appreciate them properly. Lately my psychologist wants to discuss childhood sexual abuse from when I was a kid, and even though it's OK when we're talking, in the weeks afterwards I just get so suicidal and depressed. I mean. I'm 21. How can I be expected to process all of this stuff? It's too much and I'm exhausted. I don't know what I'm looking for. I just feel pretty alone. It would be nice to just hear anything from someone.