Moonbeam Cafe: for the night owls. We are not afraid of the dark. Pour a drink and stay a while.
Moonbeam Café LOVELINE (with Dragon Eilis & friends!) September 11, 2016

DISCLAIMER: We are NOT licensed professionals and are not necessarily more qualified than anyone else to offer relationship advice!
It's been a while but WELCOME TO THE MOONBEAM CAFE LOVELINE!!!
Post your relationship questions here!
Post anonymously and/or with name!
Somber anniversary today, to be sure — I was living and working in NYC on that horrific day and it'll forever haunt me. If anyone feels compelled to share their experiences regarding that day, you can get some love and sympathy here.
I'll be on and off today and it may take a while for me to respond to every query but I shall endeavor to respond to them all with varying levels of efficacy.
The Dragon @Eilis will be around to respond to your queries and I hereby invite @TheLizardQueen and the rest of the Moonbeam Leader Team to muck in the muckiness.
We now open the floor for questions...



Eilis the dragon has a Loveline question for the other folks.
It's about family love.
Is family love really always for sure? Do you think family can stop loving one another, and simply claim to love or - feel something that isn't real love?
I've noticed in my own family that they will alternate between being very supportive, and then suddenly becoming quite dismissive.
What's going on? Is family just always a little dysfunctional?
There are no absolutes in life!
All families are not one way or another.
Even in the happiest families, I think, there exists some dysfunction. On the other end of the spectrum, families can be completely toxic. Just because you share DNA, doesn't mean there NEEDS to be LOVE or ANYTHING really. At the end of the day, DNA can't force you to be kind toward another person.
So no: "family love" is NEVER "for sure".
That said, it comes down to what is considered "love". A family member may "love" you even though they say or do hurtful things. They may not realize they're being hurtful. They may THINK they're saying something HELPFUL. (I really personally despise the concept of "tough love".)
I would suggest taking a step back and consider the possibility that your family member DOES love you. They just said something to you that they don't realize is unhelpful, unproductive, and hurtful. And if they were treated the same way, given your circumstances, they would fully understand how wrong that is.
Rise above their ignorance. Do not let them drag you down. Do not let them demoralize you. You have to live your life.
they did say it was tough love, and I think that is bad too :(
this makes me feel better.
thank you.
I think if you're sensitive and harbor a lot of empathy, the whole "tough love" thing is NOT helpful. It's like, "I'm trying to piss you off to MOTIVATE you to do better!"
That is NOT what you need right now.
Tell you what though: it's a lot easier to be rude and harsh and label it "TOUGH LOVE" than to take the time to be thoughtful and understand you and try to help talk you through hard times. Your family members are choosing the easy route. But a lot of people do that.
A lot of people do. I am learning this. I wonder if I've ever done that. I don't think I do.
In usual fashion, I failed to read the entire paragraph cause I figured it was similar to other love lines and failed to notice the somber note.
Sorry to EEEE about dragons when you are feeling haunted by this day @Zork
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
I'm a red dragon!!!!
OMG it breathes FIRE
Do you know how long it took me to DRAW and ASSEMBLE her AND make her breathe FIRE???!
All because you said, "Hey, can you make me a dragon??"
;-)
Dragons are DIFFICULT!!
how long! I'm sorry! I just love DRAGONSSS
all morning!
oh my gosh, thank you!!!!! you're the best!
I've made so many dragon comments I need to make a Loveline relevant question! (totally not silly...)
How do you woo a dragon? Dragons are too cool for school. However does a human impress one of these ferocious creatures?
Bwahaha
P.s. can you make me breathe fire IRL
Honestly, what I'd like to see is that people are moving on. 15 years is a long time. On a personal level as well as a national one, remaining stuck is just harmful.
New York has quite literally finished rebuilding. And at some point, there is nothing to be gained from reading off names and thrashing ourselves. We are meant to let things fade until they are just stories in history books.
Never mind, I need to learn to read. <3
New York has quite literally NOT finished rebuilding.
I don't watch the ceremonies anymore. It is very easy to not watch them, even when living in NYC. But for those who do watch and need to watch -- I don't see what the problem is. Should we demand people stop visiting cemeteries? Because they should just MOVE ON?
15 years IS a long time. Most people HAVE moved on. If some people need to remember and mourn, I don't see what the problem is.
It honestly takes me a very long time to process trauma. I remember distinctly that the horror of that day didn't strike me til maybe 2 years later.
Hmm. Seems you are correct on the construction. Most of it is done. 3 is in the works. 2 doesn't have the demand to be built. And there doesn't seem to be any info on 5.
The freedom tower is up. The Oculus is done. The memorial is open.
I didn't say they can't be sad. I said it would be better for them if they moved on. It's always better to be on the other side than to be stuck.
I feel like letting things fade to history is more a century later sort of thing but that is a personal opinion.
I hope not. We've done pretty awful things in just 15 years.
If you let it fade though, do you think that people will - well - not improve themselves and learn from the past?
I don't know. I don't think we learned anything in the moment. We became more scared, more hateful, more murderous, and the rest of the world paid the price for that. And we turned that fear internally toward each other, more spying, more surveillance, more curtailed rights.
I suppose it depends on who writes the history and what they say whether anything can ultimately be learned.
It makes sense for people to be emotional and not super logical right away after such an attack; I think that is human nature. But I am just thinking on a personal level; I don't know much about globally made choices here.