The personal community of @NinethLions. Ramblings on life, multiplicity, art, fandom, and so forth. Mostly life.
"Keeping the Crazy Inside" - Part 1
So I was wandering around Imzy tonight, reviewing some old threads and sending them to a friend who's indicated interest in the platform to show him what the community's like on here. I was also talking about how, so far, we haven't gotten any shit for being plural/multiple. (Which is a relevant subject for my friend, given that he's also plural.) And at that very moment, on one of the threads I was looking at, I notice a new comment deriding the idea of plurality as "tumblr special snowflake cray-cray."
Yikes.
I sent that thread to my friend anyway. Figured that sooner or later, this was going to happen, and the presence of that comment among many other more supportive comments probably provides a more accurate picture of Imzy in the long run than a thread that's nothing but support and polite curiosity, cynical as that might be. It did get me thinking, though. Why did this user get that kind of comment, while we haven't?
There's several reasons I can think of. One, we're more entrenched, so to speak, in the Imzy community. We're by no means a name like @Eilis or @TheLizardQueen (sorry for pinging you guys out of the blue!), but we've been here, been there. Posted some scribbles and made a few comments that I guess people liked. So it's riskier to bite us, so to speak.
Two... I had something here, but I forgot. Maybe I'll add in later. For now, have a cute kitty - you're going to need it very shortly.
Awww. Now that that's settled...
Three. We're "respectable." We're "one of the good ones." We don't "show off" our plurality, our little brand of crazy - outside of this comm, some neurodiversity comms, and conversations where it's directly relevant, we show no sign of being plural.
We blend in. We look normal. We keep the crazy inside.
And if that's so, if that's the reason we haven't been harassed for being plural, then I'm deeply disturbed.
I think I should first explain why we act as we do, why we keep the crazy inside. At first, it was because we genuinely planned on not being out as plural as NinethLions. Then, well, a complicated series of events happened, and we decided that it would be less stressful to be out.
But though we don't hide it now, we don't really show it, either. There's a lot of reasons for this. The biggest one is that we don't feel like explaining what and who we are every single time we meet someone new on the site - even if we don't begin our posts with, "Hi, we're plural, that means we're this and this and this," people will get confused about why we're putting "~ J." and "~ An." and "~. Au." and so forth at the end of our posts and just what the heck do you mean by "we," are you speaking for the community? And then the whole comment chain derails when really, all we wanted to do was say, "Aww, that cat picture was really cute! Have another."
There's a few other reasons, too, but none of them involve being ashamed of being plural, or thinking it's something that needs to be hidden, or thinking that being openly plural = being a special attention-seeking snowflake. None of them involve keeping the crazy inside for The Good of The Community(TM).
But sometimes, I and An. especially worry that by choosing to present as we do, we're setting a precedent for other systems. Namely, sending a message to non-plurals that this is how a system should behave, that a proper, non-Tumblrinaite, non-special system should keep the crazy inside for The Good of The Community(TM).
When it's far from that. When choosing to present how we do is a personal choice (and one largely made to conserve energy), not an example for a rule.
If we're given a pass because we're quiet, because we blend in and look normal, then that disturbs us. What that means isn't that being plural is accepted. What that means is that being plural is accepted only if you don't look plural. If it isn't clear why that's disturbing, then take a look at these statements:
It's okay to be gay, but only if you don't look gay. It's okay to be gay, but only if you don't hold your boyfriend's hand in public, if you never talk about how much you love him, if you never mention that you are gay.
It's okay to be autistic, but only if you don't look autistic. Only if you never stim, if you're "high-functioning," if it makes you good at math or whatever, if you never identify as it where anyone can hear you.
It's okay to be different, but only if you look normal.
And here is where some people say, "But you can't compare being LGBT/autistic to being plural!" Or even, "How dare you compare being LGBT/autistic to being plural!" And that in itself is telling, you see - what those hypothetical people have done is revealed that they don't consider being plural a real identity.
As someone who is LGBT, who is autistic, I will tell you now that plurality is as real and fundamental to my identity as being LGBT and autistic. Why is it that I'm allowed to be open about one, but not the other?
Because it's confusing to keep track of everyone, some might say. Not necessarily. Didn't you mention that you didn't want to cause confusion? Our way isn't the only way that works. Some systems, for example, publicly sign their posts and use "we", but will collectively respond to any pronoun or simply say, "It's okay to just use they/them and [system name] for any of us." They have pages they link to when the question comes up and say, "If you want to talk about this, let's do so elsewhere." And many are forgiving of mistakes.
Because then people will start asking for special treatment, some might say. There is neither harm nor shame in asking for something when someone has indicated they are open to asks, provided you are willing to accept "no" for an answer.
Plenty of us recognize that we live in an overwhelmingly singlet world, and are willing to make compromises for ease of communication--common pronouns and names, shared accounts, patience with singlet stumbles. But compromises don't have to come at the cost of identity.
Basically - please do not hold us up as the gold standard of plural behavior. Please do not say, "Why can't you be less snowflakey, like them?" and point at us. Please do not tell other systems, "Why do you feel the need to be so blatant about this? NinethLions doesn't feel a need to tell everyone who's talking." This hasn't happened yet, but we suspect it soon will.
We firmly believe that plurals have a right to show their identity. We believe that it is not inherently "special snowflakey" to both say and show that one is part of a system. It's not a role-play. It's as real and important a part of who we are as any identity more commonly accepted as "real".
Speaking of which, I just remembered the second possible reason for us not getting flak - we more closely fit people's ideas of a "real" system. Relatively smallish in membership, past our teenage years, origins in childhood abuse and trauma, and so on. Which... also disturbs me, if it's true. But I'm too tired to write about that right now and I promised I'd send some friends an email later tonight, so. Have another cat in a glass container.
Toodles and cheers, and be good to each other, my fellow wonderfully diverse Imzynauts!
~ J.
*Footnote: My use of "crazy" here is tongue-in-cheek, a jab at how plurals are commonly seen. I apologize to anyone who was offended by it.




I'm so sorry you got that comment here :( I have felt really fortunate that most people have been supportive and friendly here! Yet we have had a few posts we've had to remove. I would've removed that as hostile for sure, I think.
P.s. Aw, thanks for the ping :)
Thing is, there is literally no way to prevent singlets from forming their own conclusions. Someone will ALWAYS perceive you as an example, even without meaning to. That is not something within your control.
I know for a fact that some of my colleagues put up with us being multi because they think we're "a good one". But that is on them, not me. I am there to make money and make comics, not be their pet poster child. I expect one day, I'll do something that'll make them realize I'm not, but again, that's them, not me.
If someone finds what I say useful, then it doesn't matter if the only reason they're willing to listen is that I fill out some punch-card in their heads. All that matters is that I'm helpful.
--Rogan
I'm actually glad you pinged me in this post (I would have seen it eventually but regardless). I'm guessing the user didn't explicitly break community rules by their post?
I mean I get not understanding plurality and multiples but to shut down the whole idea with what could be thinly veiled hostility is bullshit... If I had seen it I would have gotten upset myself.
Hope that single comment hasn't dissuaded your friend from considering popping over to Imzy.
And I hope you're feeling better after venting about it.
That said if you notice a trend or there are attacks. Report it either to the community leaders or talk to the staff. While Imzy isn't a quote unquote "safespace" or all fluff and sunshine all the time. If something was happening to make certain members feel unwelcome or unsafe in posting action would be taken.
ā¤šššš
Also for the record. I like all of you, and you've taught me a lot.
I think they flew under the radar. I'll message you the post over on your personal comm.
And, thank you. <3 I'm not so much upset as... thoughtfully concerned, if that makes sense? I guess this post was partly a pre-emptive counterargument as well.
And yeah, we do feel better now. Au. and I. especially have a habit of formulating elaborate counterarguments and rolling them around and around, and I have a habit of getting anxious and repeating them ad nauseam so I won't forget any of my points. Which doesn't do us any good in keeping our brainspace clear! Writing them down helps alleviate that anxiety somewhat.
I'm glad we could be of help! We've learned a lot from Imzy as well and hope to do so for years to come. :)
~ J.
Thanks for sharing it with me. I responded to you there.
I totally write things down to prevent the cyclical pattern that happens in my head too!