It's gonna be my 1 year Imzy anniversary soon. Truth be told... I just don't feel any better.

I'm still the same socially awkward nerd that I was last year; it's just that now a few people think I'm funny and entertain me as such. It's not all bad, but considering all the time I've kinda wasted (bad choice of words?) on the server... I kinda feel like I should be getting more out of it.

Look, I get it, it's just a glorified chat room filled with random Internet strangers and that I'm a fool for actually getting somewhat attached to them, but forgive me if I feel like a great big lonely elephant in the room. Other LGCers carry on extensive chats in the background and form friendships outside of the server. They can talk a whole lot about what they're doing, and how they're feeling, and so on. And then you have me: that one regular who's only pretty much remembered for ponies, games and metal. So much so that talking about anything else feels so damn OOC that I just don't do that. Perhaps it was my fault that I shoehorned myself into those things so that I might feel special, but I digress.

In many ways, it's like a reflection of my real life. That nerd in class who just does his own thing while everyone else becomes best buds. No matter what he does, he just can't connect to anyone else... but they humour him anyway. I'm not saying y'all ain't genuine, oh no; I'm just saying that I guess I just won't ever fit in with you, and it ain't your fault.

Now you might be wondering: hey, Carol, why don't you just go to another place for potential interest-sharing friends? I'm honestly really ashamed to admit it, it being the internet and all... but you've honestly really been the only place I've gone to attempt being properly social for the last year or so. Yes, I'm serious. It's fucking dumb, I know, but it was just really the first really accepting place I found. I didn't really look anywhere else after that; I just kinda assumed that nowhere else on the Internet would I find a place like this. Then, of course, I found out that people really do like different things after all. Things kinda went eh after that.

I'm not sad about it. Nah, I'm more angry: angry at myself for always letting myself be comic relief. Like, gosh, dude, you're so much more than that but then you make yourself into a stereotype and after a while that's all anyone else ever thinks of.

Oh well. Maybe I should cut down on my Discord usage. Staring at it for long periods of time probably won't help my studies. That's about the one thing that I'm good at, lol.