One More Day

To many, Virtual Space is just a social community. A creative place where you can come and talk to friends and express yourself and your creations.

To me, it's a reminder that the human spirit can overcome anything. And that life is beautiful and still worth living.

If you guys don’t know me, I’m skyguy, or peaky, whichever you prefer. I go by both. I am 18 years old and just recently graduated from high school this June. I have been diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety, and I believe I may have Bipolar II Disorder as well, although that is unconfirmed. I currently take Abilify, Prozac, Wellbutrin, Xanax XR and regular Xanax sometimes to get through a normal day. I call it my cocktail. Each medicine has their good qualities, but they all have side effects, if you’re curious you can ask me about them.

Things were bad my junior year of high school, but just when I thought I couldn’t feel worse, senior year rolled around. With the stress of the future, college applications, school, grades, a boyfriend, a breakup, failing a class, and my worsening depression, all I wanted to do was just disappear.

When anyone would ask me, “What are you going to do after high school?” I couldn’t tell them. Not because I didn’t know, but because I didn’t see myself in the world anymore. My life literally didn’t go on past the day I got my diploma.

I didn’t know it at the time, but that was considered suicidal ideation. And it only worsened as the year went on. I would start to think things like, “I wish I would just fall asleep and never wake up” or “I could roll out of this car and it would all be over,” It was unhealthy and thankfully my parents noticed a change in me before I did. I refused hospitalization, but kept it open as an option if it was needed. They began to keep a very close eye on me and would never leave me alone in the house.

I owe my life to some people on Virtual Space, who were always there for me when I needed someone to talk to. I hated talking about how I was feeling to my parents, because my dad, at the time didn’t really understand and had the “you’re manipulating us to get your way” mindset. My mother of course, who honestly believed me was a worried mess and I did everything in my power to keep her from worrying.

When I broke up with my boyfriend Kevin I was left alone. No friends. No family to turn to. But I had VS and the lovely people on it. And they acted as my support system. They encouraged me to talk to my mom when something was not right, or they would remind me that hey, my existence is not meaningless in this world. Those individuals know who they are, and if they are reading this, I just want them to know that I can’t thank you enough. How do you repay someone who saved your life? If you, or any of my followers, or users on VS need anything, message me.

Now I want to talk about some things I learned while dealing with this shitty year from hell and the near experiences with hospitalization

Please don’t hurt yourself. I know sometimes you feel like there’s nothing else you can do, but just go outside and run or walk or pet your dog and cry, even if it's the middle of the night. Your body is the temple of your beautiful, beautiful soul, do not mar it.

Talk to someone. Talk to someone you can trust. It doesn’t have to be a parent, for a while my dad was a toxic person in my life, so I went to my mom. I went to my school counselors, I went to everyone I could think of because even though I wanted to die, I was still SCARED.

Learn about the things you love about yourself during your recovery. Since being diagnosed, I’ve honestly become more confident. It seems backwards but I guess I’ve had a lot of time with my own thoughts. I know who I am. I’m a good, beautiful person inside and out. And it is so so important for you to learn how to love yourself

You are STRONG Strength is not always physical or mental. Sometimes its emotional. To go to school or work everyday when getting out of bed seems like the tallest mountain you’ve been told to climb takes strength. Don’t ever let anyone tell you you’re weak. Because you have strength some people could only dream of.

O N E D A Y

Right before graduation, I was failing my advanced precalculus class. It was looking like I might not graduate. Things were the worst they could have been and I went to my mom one evening and told her that I just couldn’t do it anymore. That I was tired of fighting. I wanted to die. My mother, god bless her, took my face in her hands and said “Give me one one more day. Just fight for one more day. Please.” And so I did. And my grades improved. And I graduated in the top 15% of my class. Received an award from the school. I got a job. And I’m still here six months later.

So, I beg of you, if you’re fighting like how I fought, keep moving forward.

And just keep fighting please. Keep fighting for just one more day. Because you might wake up and things could be better.

Thanks for reading, if you guys have any questions feel free to comment or pm me. Also, please don’t be hateful, I will delete anything rude.