a blog about my battle with depression and anxiety. there will be some music reviews and makeup stuff thrown in here too
One More Day
To many, Virtual Space is just a social community. A creative place where you can come and talk to friends and express yourself and your creations.
To me, it's a reminder that the human spirit can overcome anything. And that life is beautiful and still worth living.
If you guys don’t know me, I’m skyguy, or peaky, whichever you prefer. I go by both. I am 18 years old and just recently graduated from high school this June. I have been diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety, and I believe I may have Bipolar II Disorder as well, although that is unconfirmed. I currently take Abilify, Prozac, Wellbutrin, Xanax XR and regular Xanax sometimes to get through a normal day. I call it my cocktail. Each medicine has their good qualities, but they all have side effects, if you’re curious you can ask me about them.
Things were bad my junior year of high school, but just when I thought I couldn’t feel worse, senior year rolled around. With the stress of the future, college applications, school, grades, a boyfriend, a breakup, failing a class, and my worsening depression, all I wanted to do was just disappear.
When anyone would ask me, “What are you going to do after high school?” I couldn’t tell them. Not because I didn’t know, but because I didn’t see myself in the world anymore. My life literally didn’t go on past the day I got my diploma.
I didn’t know it at the time, but that was considered suicidal ideation. And it only worsened as the year went on. I would start to think things like, “I wish I would just fall asleep and never wake up” or “I could roll out of this car and it would all be over,” It was unhealthy and thankfully my parents noticed a change in me before I did. I refused hospitalization, but kept it open as an option if it was needed. They began to keep a very close eye on me and would never leave me alone in the house.
I owe my life to some people on Virtual Space, who were always there for me when I needed someone to talk to. I hated talking about how I was feeling to my parents, because my dad, at the time didn’t really understand and had the “you’re manipulating us to get your way” mindset. My mother of course, who honestly believed me was a worried mess and I did everything in my power to keep her from worrying.
When I broke up with my boyfriend Kevin I was left alone. No friends. No family to turn to. But I had VS and the lovely people on it. And they acted as my support system. They encouraged me to talk to my mom when something was not right, or they would remind me that hey, my existence is not meaningless in this world. Those individuals know who they are, and if they are reading this, I just want them to know that I can’t thank you enough. How do you repay someone who saved your life? If you, or any of my followers, or users on VS need anything, message me.
Now I want to talk about some things I learned while dealing with this shitty year from hell and the near experiences with hospitalization
Please don’t hurt yourself. I know sometimes you feel like there’s nothing else you can do, but just go outside and run or walk or pet your dog and cry, even if it's the middle of the night. Your body is the temple of your beautiful, beautiful soul, do not mar it.
Talk to someone. Talk to someone you can trust. It doesn’t have to be a parent, for a while my dad was a toxic person in my life, so I went to my mom. I went to my school counselors, I went to everyone I could think of because even though I wanted to die, I was still SCARED.
Learn about the things you love about yourself during your recovery. Since being diagnosed, I’ve honestly become more confident. It seems backwards but I guess I’ve had a lot of time with my own thoughts. I know who I am. I’m a good, beautiful person inside and out. And it is so so important for you to learn how to love yourself
You are STRONG Strength is not always physical or mental. Sometimes its emotional. To go to school or work everyday when getting out of bed seems like the tallest mountain you’ve been told to climb takes strength. Don’t ever let anyone tell you you’re weak. Because you have strength some people could only dream of.
O N E D A Y
Right before graduation, I was failing my advanced precalculus class. It was looking like I might not graduate. Things were the worst they could have been and I went to my mom one evening and told her that I just couldn’t do it anymore. That I was tired of fighting. I wanted to die. My mother, god bless her, took my face in her hands and said “Give me one one more day. Just fight for one more day. Please.” And so I did. And my grades improved. And I graduated in the top 15% of my class. Received an award from the school. I got a job. And I’m still here six months later.
So, I beg of you, if you’re fighting like how I fought, keep moving forward.
And just keep fighting please. Keep fighting for just one more day. Because you might wake up and things could be better.
Thanks for reading, if you guys have any questions feel free to comment or pm me. Also, please don’t be hateful, I will delete anything rude.




Have not heard of Virtual Space before. I can check it out a few days later!
it's mostly for roleplaying and writing but I've made some amazing friends on there too!
haha I'm more of a math/science girl
haha, yeah it's a creative outlet really. the mother app "amino" probably has some cool communities about math and science tho! I would definitely check that out!
Hey there Peaky, I guess we had some common experiences, I thank your courage to share. I joined the bipolar community on Imzy, have you? It started before I turned 18. I failed my exams in my final year of high school. I didn't behave normally on the day of my convocation and prom night. I refused medication at first. Months past before I took the right prescription and stabilized. I heard that it is not uncommon for bipolar disorder to be misdiagnosed as depression, not for me because my mania was obvious.
yeah, I refused medication and therapy for months before I finally accepted that I wasn't getting better on my own. and it's taken about two years for me to find the right medications, but I think I know what is working for me now.
I will definitely check out that community. maybe it can help clear up my confusion. I guess I've forgotten what happiness is like so I am confusing it with mania? although I have quite a few signs of being manic instead of just excited...
Have you told your doctor about them? I had excessive anxious thoughts (e.g. worried to use simple things because I risk damaging them). Many different racing thoughts is a common and obvious one I think, and my thoughts are usually overly creative and unrealistic. I was prancing around living room and kitchen, ruling out depression. I also locked myself in the toilet at home (mum was at home), imagining bats from shadows of the hand towel. Any psychotic-ish signs?
not really. although sometimes at night I swear I can hear whispering. but I do get the racing thoughts at night when my brain just WONT shut up no matter what I try and do.
Does it affect your sleep? Are your racing thoughts anxiety/worry or something else? When I can't sleep for hours or the whole night for consecutive days, relapse may ensue. I know someone who hears voices (schizophrenia not bipolar) and she has to tell herself that the voices are not real, she had to keep fighting against it. Ask your doctor again. I personally found it nice to do yarn stuffs after high school graduation, what do you like to do at home?
Wondering how you've been feeling. Has your cocktail been working well? 🙂