New to Poly Stuff

Hey there!

I'm a lesbian who's only ever been in monogamous relationships with women. About a month ago, I picked up with a woman who describes herself as pansexual and polyamorous. She has me (her girlfriend) and a boyfriend I haven't met yet (but who, I think, I'd like to meet, and maybe be friendly with if he's amicable to the idea). We're her first romantic / sexual relationships.

Initially polyamory kind of weirded me out, but as I'm reading more about it (mostly from More than Two and the news articles here), a lot of it... I wouldn't say 'clicks' for me, but intrigues and engages me as opposed to repulsing me. It absolutely used to; I was used to thinking of non-monogamy in the context of hookups (which don't interest me) or in the last gasps of relationships where I've felt trapped and unhappy.

My girlfriend has been really, truly fantastic and inclusive about it- she makes it so overt that she cares about me and that she wants me in her life and in the loop that it's hard to feel any negative way about our situation. I embarked on this by treating it a little like a science experiment- she is so special, and I don't want to end our relationship unless I'm really, really sure I can't possibly do it, and so I'm going to give it enough time to get an idea of what this kind of arrangement is really like- but so far it's been okay, uncomfortable in personal-growth sorts of ways but okay. I don't know if I myself am polyamorous- I don't feel like I have time or energy for another partner besides my girlfriend, at least right now- but I guess I already am, if I'm arranging my life to accomodate both her and her time with my metamour.

In talking about it in passing with my friends, I'm kind of surprised that Polyamory is still treated with the stigma it is- lots of "Oh, I could never do that." and "Is she sure that's what she wants?" I remember coming out in high school, and I only rarely got those sorts of questions- telling people I'm in a poly relationship feels as fraught as coming out anew.

Mainly I'm making this post looking for community, I guess. I thought I had questions, but they're mostly resolving themselves, every time I am honest and vulnerable with my partner. The poly people I know in real life... don't seem to do it very well, to put it bluntly, and live in the centers of drama-maelstroms that I don't really think I want to navigate, so I'd kind of like to get to know some folks who also arrange their lives this way.

Thanks for reading.