Can someone explain to me why a couple of these are bad? I think the idea that your experience doesn't reflect everyone else's experience is literally one of the most important things to keep in mind when discussing anything with anyone. It's practically the foundation of empathy and something I point out constantly when people start making logical leaps like, "I'm not racist and no one in my neighborhood is racist; therefore, racism isn't a problem anymore."
I agree that it's really important to remember that a personal experience doesn't generalize! The reason I think that one still belongs on this card is because that sentiment can be wielded as a weapon to keep people from talking about their own experiences or a wall to keep the speaker from thinking about their own behaviour. Here's an example.
I'm talking with someone about how I found the decision of whether to have an abortion a really fraught one when I experienced a crisis pregnancy. I want to have more space in pro-choice spaces to talk about how it's sometimes a really hard decision and how it's possible to be pro-choice and not want to have an abortion yourself. My interlocutor says "Your experience isn't representative of women in unexpected pregnancies." When I hear that, I hear "You are not as important as other women in crisis pregnancy. Your voice doesn't deserve to be heard on this issue. Your viewpoint is one I'm willing to quash to advance my agenda." When I hear "I have a friend who was unexpectedly pregnant and she was relieved and happy to have an abortion.", I'm often hearing "I value her more than I value you. I'm not interested in widening the tent so both you and she can be inside." and, sometimes, "Your view is holding the fight for abortion access back."
So in that context, those phrases can derail an expression of one's person's experience, minimizing it. In other contexts, it's a great way to remind ourselves that we have to listen to other people, to make sure we can fight with them for what they need, not just for what we need. For me, one person experiencing oppression is enough to examine the way we're doing things. I don't need her to have a whole group of people experiencing the same oppression to wonder if I want to change things.
Can someone explain to me why a couple of these are bad? I think the idea that your experience doesn't reflect everyone else's experience is literally one of the most important things to keep in mind when discussing anything with anyone. It's practically the foundation of empathy and something I point out constantly when people start making logical leaps like, "I'm not racist and no one in my neighborhood is racist; therefore, racism isn't a problem anymore."
I agree that it's really important to remember that a personal experience doesn't generalize! The reason I think that one still belongs on this card is because that sentiment can be wielded as a weapon to keep people from talking about their own experiences or a wall to keep the speaker from thinking about their own behaviour. Here's an example.
I'm talking with someone about how I found the decision of whether to have an abortion a really fraught one when I experienced a crisis pregnancy. I want to have more space in pro-choice spaces to talk about how it's sometimes a really hard decision and how it's possible to be pro-choice and not want to have an abortion yourself. My interlocutor says "Your experience isn't representative of women in unexpected pregnancies." When I hear that, I hear "You are not as important as other women in crisis pregnancy. Your voice doesn't deserve to be heard on this issue. Your viewpoint is one I'm willing to quash to advance my agenda." When I hear "I have a friend who was unexpectedly pregnant and she was relieved and happy to have an abortion.", I'm often hearing "I value her more than I value you. I'm not interested in widening the tent so both you and she can be inside." and, sometimes, "Your view is holding the fight for abortion access back."
So in that context, those phrases can derail an expression of one's person's experience, minimizing it. In other contexts, it's a great way to remind ourselves that we have to listen to other people, to make sure we can fight with them for what they need, not just for what we need. For me, one person experiencing oppression is enough to examine the way we're doing things. I don't need her to have a whole group of people experiencing the same oppression to wonder if I want to change things.
Hm. That's an interesting perspective. Thanks!