What causes rapes? Rapists.

The first time I heard this and I though "well duh". Whilst I agreed with it, I just thought it was a clever little argument and a great slogan. But then I thought about my own experience it blew my mind.

My rapist was my first boyfriend.

The night he first raped me, I was barely conscious. As he lay on top of me, thrusting into me, taking away my virginity, I was so drunk, so out of it, I actually asked him "are we having sex?".

He raped me when I was sober. He raped me when I was drunk. He raped me when I was in big ol' stripey pyjamas. He raped me when I was clothed. I left him when I was 19 and since leaving him, I've never been raped.

And here's the thing, I have been drunk as a skunk, completely wasted, pretty much every weekend in my 20s. I have let male friends crash in my bed with me. They didn't rape me. I've gone to bed with men and kissed and cuddled, then when they asked for more, I said no. They didn't rape me. I have walked home on my own in the middle of the night. I wasn't raped. I lived on my own in a big house with weak locks and rattling windows. No one broke in and raped me. I have had more hard drinking sessions with dudes - friends and strangers - than I can remember. And yet the only person to ever sexually assault me was my rapist, my very first boyfriend.

The reason I was raped wasn't because of decisions (good and bad) that I have made. The reasons I was raped was because he decided to rape me. What caused my rapes? My rapist.