A community for discussion, sharing, and critical thinking on kinky topics.
Identity Incongruence
The other day, a friendquaintance made a comment to me about how it's odd/confusing that I as an ace would be interested in bodange. I've been thinking about making a longer post about that (beyond the basic "hey aces can be kinky too!" which. is a message that's already out there.) but for now, I thought I'd ask here:
Do you have any identities, labels, backgrounds, etc. that make it "weird" for you to be into what you're into?
Alternatively -- are there any of the above that make you feel uncomfortably like "a stereotype"?




I have a silly long list of identity labels. Autistic, nonbinary, asexual and aromantic, non-monogamous, disabled (autism and EDS), probably more things...
Anyway, I love sex. I don't feel sexual attraction, hence asexual, and I don't feel romantic attraction, hence aromantic. But I love sex. I am very comfy and happy having a sex-free life and I don't miss it, but I enjoy it a lot when it happens.
I also like to tie people up. Not in a sex way, though I'm happy having sex at the same time because... I love sex. :D
Basically I'm a poster-person for "behaviour does not equal orientation."
Stereotype time. Bisexual, polyamorous switch. My patronus is a winged unicorn.
It's probably "weird" that I'm entirely sub, given that I'm neuroatypical and live in the same neighborhood as things like antisocial or narcissistic personality disorder. You'd expect a lack of empathy and trust to mean a lack of sub desires, violent urges to find an outlet in sadism, and so on. I admit, I have only ever wanted to sub to a few people. But when I do, I really, really do.
It's vanilla, but I love having my breasts played with despite being an FAAB nonbinary person who typically has dysphoria about their chest. I hate touching my own chest, but somehow when it's a partner doing it it just feels good (most of the time. Sometimes I do feel too dysphoric for it).
Monogamous pansexual \o/ Not sure what else, though I'm sure others have Opinions. I don't like that people associate the way I dress (coded masculine) with topping my partner at parties, but I don't pass well and I don't like reinforcing the gender-role association, either. At the end of the day, though, we play for ourselves, so others' opinions don't matter.
(oh, argle, that thing...)
I think some people find it weird I'm a kink person because of how our society tends to associate 'non-normative sexuality' with 'more sexual', vs me being the kind of person where people in high school though I wouldn't understand innuendo if they made it at me (I totally did understand it, in fact).
The wanting/liking sex while being ace thing took a while for me to sort out at the time (it's changed some since then, also, so). All the stuff I saw about aces and sex was either 'for your partner' or 'for physical pleasure', so it took me a while to get the 'no I just want to'.
And of course there's all my masochist top etc stuff I'm still trying to get a handle on...