December miscellaneous

The hardest part is when the mother acts normal. I can't explain to her the real reason why I'm turning down every offer and casually avoiding time together. I'm trying to listen to my feelings that say being around her is so bad for us, but it is hard to feel those today.

Can't really focus on projects despite sitting down and trying.

I'm pretty sure I alienated another few friends recently though I can't think what I might've done to offend them. I just know they give a minimal response or don't respond at all when I message them all this week. I know one is hyperstressed, dunno about the others.
Hopping communities or losing friends after a year or two is not unusual for us. (That's a red flag, I know. Someone who moves communities so much must be running from something, or something along those lines? I don't think that's true for us, but I still don't know what we should do differently. Or if we're just unlucky.)

There are a few people I'm not very close to who I haven't alienated yet and still get along with, so it's nice to talk to them.

I have some things to look forward to but it's hard to believe it'll go well.

It's been a pretty cold bday.

~depressed kit or whoever