Personal blog for Kits
December miscellaneous
The hardest part is when the mother acts normal. I can't explain to her the real reason why I'm turning down every offer and casually avoiding time together. I'm trying to listen to my feelings that say being around her is so bad for us, but it is hard to feel those today.
Can't really focus on projects despite sitting down and trying.
I'm pretty sure I alienated another few friends recently though I can't think what I might've done to offend them. I just know they give a minimal response or don't respond at all when I message them all this week. I know one is hyperstressed, dunno about the others.
Hopping communities or losing friends after a year or two is not unusual for us. (That's a red flag, I know. Someone who moves communities so much must be running from something, or something along those lines? I don't think that's true for us, but I still don't know what we should do differently. Or if we're just unlucky.)
There are a few people I'm not very close to who I haven't alienated yet and still get along with, so it's nice to talk to them.
I have some things to look forward to but it's hard to believe it'll go well.
It's been a pretty cold bday.
~depressed kit or whoever




Some reading that y'all might find helpful/affirming:
Toxic Parents, and Mothers Who Can't Love: a Healing Guide for Daughters by Susan Forward (obvs the second one is very gendered, in case that bothers you&)
Running on Empty: Overcome your Childhood Emotional Neglect by Jonice Webb
Got Parts? An Insider's Guide to Living with DID by ATW may have some helpful tips when it comes to system mapping/useful advice for coping with the aftereffects of abuse in a plural context--even if you don't ID as traumagenic or even mixed origins, what's useful is useful at the end of the day. There is a part in the beginning by an old white dude going on about how system mates aren't their own people, but the stuff by the actual authors is on point.
I can sympathize with the alienation thing. I'm having a hard time believing that we weren't somehow the cause of all of our colleagues moving on to other things. Meh.
-W
I'll look into those abuse books - I think I need to process the family situation more on my own before I do though.
I'm so ready to jump on system mapping info and hopefully info on bringing everyone distinct/communicative though!!
Watcher, your help has been immeasurably, um, helpful, I don't think I thanked you for that so thank you a lot for reaching out.
Here's hoping to figuring out the friends-and-acquaintances stuff -_-