Personal blog for me to write about my life, share my artwork, and post random stuff I like
Family Reunion
Originally posted on August 10th, 2016
I went to a family brunch with my parents last Sunday. This is exceptional because we don't usually participate in family gatherings, or any other kind of gathering for that matter. We're basically three loners living together, though my father is a little more outgoing than my mother and me. We were invited by one of my dad's brothers, an uncle we see relatively often compared to the rest of the family.
When I woke up Sunday morning I was already feeling stressed about the upcoming event, and it didn't help that I had trouble sleeping all night. But I was curious to meet some family members I hadn't seen for ages, and seeing how my uncle and his boyfriend had told us they would prepare a vegetarian plate specially for me, both me and my mom were in agreement that it would be rude not to show up.
And I'm glad I did show up; I had quite a good time. It wasn't a huge gathering; there was about a dozen people, and they were all pretty friendly. As I hadn't seen most of those aunts and uncles for decades, I had trouble remembering them from when I was a small child, but they still made me feel somewhat comfortable, despite them being almost complete strangers at this point. Having my parents around brought extra comfort; they added a layer of familiarity to the experience, and with them at my side I didn't feel the pressure to constantly participate in conversations. It was nice to be able to zone out whenever I felt I needed to. On two occasions I even got up to take a walk and explore the neighborhood by myself for a while; in a different situation I might have worried about looking weird and antisocial for doing so, and forced myself to stay at the table, but in this case I felt free to, well, be myself.
Speaking of which, this experience made me realize a few things about my needs in social situations, and about how I process social events. First, even when spending time among people I need my personal space, and the option to be alone when necessary. This is completely independent of the quality of the company I'm with. Second, I have trouble sitting still for long periods of time. I'll be aching to get up and move sooner or later. Actually, I already knew that, as I sometimes find it hard to even sit through an entire movie, but I've now found out my tendency toward restlessness also emerges during social gatherings.
Still, Sunday was a good day. Oh, and the vegetarian meal was great. I ate couscous for the first time in my life, and the rest of the plate was filled with vegetables. I'm so grateful they took the time to make something for me, that was so nice of them.




If its not too personal, why haven't you seen these family members in so long? Are they more extended family or your parents' siblings?
I don't talk much to my family either, particularly my father's side/siblings. We don't like each other. I'm on better terms with my mother's family, but several members give me major anxiety.
The people involved were a few of my father's brothers and sisters, as well as some of his cousins, and their significant others. I think the main reason we don't see his family often is simply that my parents and I are solitary by nature. We mostly keep to ourselves, and while there are a couple of exceptions, we don't typically reach out to the rest of our families. We have lived this way for so long, you could say it's become a habit.
But there's also been drama involving some of my father's older siblings in the past. There seems to be a divide between the older and the younger members of the family. I was very young when the drama happened (and some of it occured before I was even born), so I try not to hold any hard feelings toward my older aunts and uncles despite my parents' resentment, but there is no doubt that what happened contributed to my parents distancing themselves from the family more than they would have otherwise. Still, the gathering I wrote about only reunited the younger side of the family; they're generally very nice, and my parents like them well enough, so all things considered we really do keep to ourselves mostly from habit.
I hope that answered your question. If not, let me know. I'll tell you if things get more personal than I am comfortable with, but so far it is quite alright.
Maybe I'm pessimistic, but I get the impression that very few families are free of drama. Unlike the friendships and social circles we build as adults, we don't get to decide who we're related to. There's bound to be clashes of personalities and values, and I guess the only option when things get so sour they become unbearable is to distance yourself from those you can't get along with either because your perspectives are too different, or because they're actively trying to hurt you. But I feel this is often easier said than done.
Sorry to hear about your family situation, and that some family members are giving you anxiety. I'm sending you vitual hugs. You're welcome here if you need to talk.